School Daze
by Nazihra
Summary: Sasuke wants to admire his crush from afar, Kiba wants to get good grades and convince his girlfriend to stop hitting him please and Naruto, well, he just wants to be Naruto. Unfortunately, life has other ideas. DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

**There is non-graphic scenes of non-con in later chapters of this story, featured in memories and dream sequences only. Please do not read if this disturbs you.**

Also, Orochimaru is in the same year as the other characters despite his being a lot older. If that strays too far from canon for your liking, consider yourself warned.

* * *

Ah, fuck. Kiba sighed and drummed his fingers on the desk. He was going to have to draw the banana now.

Kiba loved drawing; it was his passion and one of the only things he was any good at. He wasn't good at bananas, though. He didn't _do_ bananas.

Deciding to put off the inevitable, he laid his head on the desk to rest for a minute. It smelt of paint and glue and it was scratchy and bumpy in places but he didn't mind. From his position with his head to one side, he could see the girl sitting next to him and, if he turned his head to the left, he would be able to see the other guy on his side of the table. This amused him greatly. He put it down to the paint fumes.

Kiba bit his lip and fidgeted with his hands under the table. The girl he was staring at had very blond hair and blue eyes. _Hitler youth, _whispered his subconscious and he giggled under his breath.

The girl also had her hair in a short boyish cut, which was actually quite cute and looked soft to the touch, like the fur on ducklings. **Don't ducklings have feathers? **asked his niggling voice of reason. Kiba didn't like this voice. He figured it got in the way of a good time.

Such as now, when it was already trying to pester him with another unimportant detail. **This is an all boys school**, it whined, **Why is there a girl here? Why does she have an Adam's apple? I think that's a boy.** He snorted. That was ridiculous, she couldn't possibly be a –

_Damn._

Kiba examined the girl – boy? – closer. Sure enough, there was an Adam's apple, which pretty much proved it to his knowledge. A pink tongue peeked out from between the girl – **boy's** – lips as he strained in concentration at his piece of paper. His surprisingly feminine face was smeared with charcoal and paint – _like the desk _– but Kiba no longer found it cute. He was straight, pretty boys be damned.

It was actually kind of weird, in his opinion. How could a boy be that - he searched for an appropriate, _heterosexual_ word – girly? No, not girly but – he cursed his limited vocabulary – pretty. Really pretty. It freaked him out.

"What's your name?" he asked. The blond boy's head snapped up and Kiba was shocked at how wide and goddamn _blue_ his eyes were. What was up with this kid?

"Pardon?" Kiba snorted. Posh kids, they just couldn't say _huh_ or _what_. "Oh. I'm Naruto, nice to meet you." Naruto's face split into a huge grin.

Kiba mulled this over and stored it away as an interesting titbit. When he looked back up, the kid was still staring at him with that Cheshire-cat grin.

"What you looking at me for?" Naruto looked momentarily uneasy before he laughed and his smile returned. Kiba's back itched. He felt like someone was watching him.

"I wanted to know what your name was." Blondie was still making a face like a happy cat stretched out in the sun and Kiba wondered how the kid managed to be so – damn gay vocabulary – _cute_ all the time.

"Kiba," he mumbled into his arm, "You can call me Pimp Master Supreme." His back was starting to get seriously itchy now but scratching took a lot of effort. Blondie's eyes had grown even wider and Kiba's annoying reason voice murmured something about not causing a stir with the posh kids. He was only here on an art scholarship and it could be taken away as soon as he put a foot out of line. He really needed this school.

Blondie had recovered by now and bounced back into his happy place.

"Nice to meet you," he repeated, "I hope we can be friends." Kiba waved his hand and hummed noncommittally. He was sure the kid was great, seriously, but he couldn't deal with all the happy this kid was emitting today. He was much too busy with his own thoughts.

Kiba turned his head to the other side, shutting off any further conversation. He already felt bad for waving off the poor kid. They could be friends on any other day. He was a friendly guy and the kid seemed like a lot of fun but …

Today was a bad day for him. He was nervous about the future, his future. His position in school was tenuous at best and he really wasn't that smart. He needed a lot of help with his studies and he didn't know where to get it. He didn't fit in with all these weird, polite, goddamn feminine-looking posh kids and he missed _his_ weird, non-polite, actually feminine girlfriend. Plus, the guy on his other side just glared at him.

_Wait. What?_

Kiba blinked and the other guy looked away. What the hell? It hadn't just been a glare of mild annoyance, there was some serious hate in that glare. Serious fucking hate indeed.

Kiba sighed and rested his forehead on the table, absolutely refusing to make eye contact with any super happy blondies or crazy glaring freaks. He grew bored of that though and risked another glance at Crazy Glaring Freak, who was no longer paying him any attention. The guy was kind of like a polar opposite to Blondie: ink black hair, dark eyes and some sort of smug, self-satisfied smirk instead of Blondie's slightly mind-splitting, megawatt grin. Kiba was frankly surprised the guy was smiling at all, he didn't look like the kind that even _believed _in fun or happiness or kittens or whatever. In fact, he was even blushing from goddamn happy. His face looked kind of like –

_Well, shit._

Trying to be as inconspicuous and heterosexual as possible, Kiba slid Blondie's pencil off the table.

"Oops", he mumbled, "Sorry, I'll get that." He ducked down under the wooden surface and glanced quickly – and _not at all gaily_ – at the front of Crazy Glaring Freak's pants.

He was a lot happier than Kiba had suspected. In the _pants_.

Traumatised, Kiba returned to the land of the disturbing and handed Blondie his pencil.

"Thanks!" Blondie grinned and went back to sketching the pineapple. Sketching. Sketching sounded good. There were no girl-boys or glaring freaks or _horny_ glaring freaks if he immersed himself in sketching.

He had been looking wrong, he decided. It was a trick of the light. The guy was thinking about his girlfriend. He had an odd thing for fruit. Any of these were preferable to the other explanation his stupid voice of reason starting hurling at him.

For the next fifteen minutes he made light, awkward conversation with Blondie, who was a damn cool kid and didn't mind being called Blondie at all. Not that this mattered to Kiba, but it was nice to know the nickname was approved. By the time Kiba had finished his sketch, they were already on pretty good terms and Kiba had started feeling better about the school in general. He had found a friend.

His back still itched in what he now knew was the result of repetitive glares from CGF, who probably hated him for blocking his view of the sexy fruit or something, but he tried not to pay it too much mind. Fuck that guy, he could go choke.

Kiba pushed back his chair and headed over to a grey table of drawers to get some paints. He turned back to ask Blondie if he wanted anything.

Crazy Glaring Freak was staring at Blondie. Proper staring.

A worrying image of what he had seen under the table flashed through his head. Blondie was pretty and the guy might not have seen the Adam's apple. It was hardly the guy's fault, no matter how much of a bastard he was, and Kiba resolved to politely inform him.

Then Blondie stood up to lean across the table for a brush. A mixture of the angle of his eyes and educated guesswork told him where Crazy Glaring Freak was looking. Oh yeah, he'd seen the Adam's apple all right.

Now he was slightly torn. On the one hand, he didn't mind gay people, as long as they weren't coming on to him _in any way_ and Crazy Glaring Freak couldn't help how he was. On the other hand, this guy was staring at his friend's crotch and that just wasn't cool. Plus, he had glared at him and he deserved retribution for –

_Oh my God._

Pervy Gay Freak had been glaring at him because he thought he was _making a move_ on Blondie. Or hogging him or whatever. That wasn't important. What was important was that he thought Kiba was gay.

He thought Kiba was _gay_.

Kiba grabbed his paints and the slammed the drawer with conviction and a loud bang. It didn't matter if the guy was gay and pervy and an asshole and was _taking visual advantage_ of his friend. The guy was wrong - damn wrong - and needed to be put straight where Kiba was concerned. And Kiba was concerned. And straight. Very straight.

He waltzed back to the table and sat down, spreading out his paints in the most macho and manly display of paint arranging ever to be conceived.

"Didn't you get me any paints?" asked Naruto, eyeing his small – but _manly_ – selection.

"No, sorry, I forgot. I was distracted because I was thinking," he turned his head slightly towards Pervy Gay Freak, "about _women_. Attractive, naked women. With boobs."

Pervy Gay Freak lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. He appeared to be caught between amusement and disgust but Kiba was sure he got the point.

"Okay," Blondie said after an incredulous pause, "I'm going to go get my own paints."

Naruto stood up and walked away, though not before Pervy Gay Freak had managed to ogle his ass, Kiba noted.

"Stop. Staring. At. Him." He spat. PGF smirked and carried on drawing. It was a crappy drawing, Kiba noticed, and that made it worse. If he was going to be gay, he should at least attempt to make it obvious by being bad at sports and good at art and stuff. He should wear pink as well. Yeah.

"Why should you care? Aren't you more into attractive, naked women with boobs?" Kiba was slightly surprised at that. He didn't even think the guy would answer.

"Because he's my friend and you shouldn't stare at him, you bastard," he replied, with more conviction than he actually felt. He whipped his head round to make sure Naruto wasn't within earshot.

"Why not? It's a victimless crime," said PGF, shrugging his shoulders. Kiba's head snapped back and he yanked the guy's drawing out from underneath him. If he was going to get angry at this guy, the bastard was going to fucking notice it.

"It's creepy, that's what it is."

"Why? I'm sure you stare at girls."

That stumped him for a moment. Why was it more creepy? Was it because it was two guys? No, it couldn't be. He was pretty sure he had no problem with that. He struggled for an answer.

"Because … _because_," inspiration hit like a sack of bricks to the face, "because he's in an all-boys school and he won't be expecting it. You should be safe from that kind of stuff in school."

"Girls in mixed schools aren't."

"Well, he's not a girl, is he?" He shouted. Jesus, this guy was pissing him off.

"Who isn't a girl?"

Both heads snapped up to see Naruto, standing there with a pile of paints in his arms and a look of total confusion on his face.

"No one," PGF said.

"Yeah. What he said."

Blondie shrugged and sat down to start painting and PGF leaned forward with his head on one hand. Kiba tried to tell him via advanced sign language and facial expressions that if that was the position he used for sizing up Blondie then he shouldn't be making it. Aforementioned Blondie looked up just as he was attempting to explain that he had a brother who was 6'10 and could do some incredibly creative things to guys who couldn't keep their eyes to themselves.

"Do you need to go to the loo or something? You're dancing around a lot."

"No, Blondie," he saw PGF frown at the nickname, "No, _Blondie_, I don't." Blondie laughed and shook his head.

"You are acting really, really odd. Maybe you should go outside and breathe for a bit. Get the paint fumes out of your system." Kiba cut off his miniature glaring match with PGF, which didn't mean the guy had won no matter how much he goddamn smirked about it, and turned round. Go outside and leave him all alone with the Freak?

"What? Why? I'm fine." Blondie put on a face of mock terror.

"Oh God, tell me you're not always like this." Kiba whacked him over the head with a paintbrush. He had to fix his abysmal grades, keep up his relationship long distance and protect Blondie from Pervy Gay Bastard; he didn't want to deal with Blondie's cheek as well.

It was going to be a long term.


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke swung his bag off of his shoulders and unzipped it, reaching in to grab his timetable from amidst the mess of books and papers. It was a Wednesday, the third day back at school, and for period six he had…

_Ah, swimming._

He turned on his heel and headed towards the lockers, mind racing. He knocked into a few people on his way and mumbled insincere apologies as he barged past.

_Swimming. In water. _

Sasuke fished his keys out of his pocket and fumbled to get them into the lock. His hands shook and he nearly dropped them several times but, eventually, he managed to get his locker open.

_Swimming. In water. With not a lot of clothes on. _

Where was his bag? Ah, there it was. He yanked on the cord and dragged it out from under a particularly heavy set of textbooks.

"Excuse me, I just need to get to my locker." A cheerful voice interrupted his thoughts and he whipped round. The same sunny smile he saw every morning beamed at him from underneath wide, blue eyes.

_Swimming. In water. With not a lot of clothes on. With Naruto._

Sasuke mumbled something and moved to the side, watching out of the corner of his eye as Naruto pulled open his locker and rooted around for his swimming kit. Naruto had the top locker next to Sasuke's own and, because he was shorter than Sasuke, had to reach up on his toes to see what was inside. This action, Sasuke never failed to notice, pulled up his top ever so slightly to reveal a tiny portion of the tanned skin on his lower back.

Every day. So close he could reach out and grab it. It was a blessing and a curse.

Oblivious to his neighbour's predicament, Naruto scraped around in the chaos that was his locker, pulling out sweet wrappers and notes written in class, while shaking his hips to whatever silly pop song he was humming. It was a tiny movement, barely noticeable to anyone else, but Sasuke had an eye for this kind of thing. He sighed under his breath and turned away, self control on the verge of shattering.

"Ah, ha! _There_ you are!" Naruto emerged from the depths of his locker, hair ruffled from his everyday adventure into "The Pit". He was clutching a small black swimming bag.

_With not a lot of clothes in it_.

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, he didn't want to remember that. Well, he did, just not right now. Later maybe, when he was on his own and –

"Hey, Sasuke! You coming?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to reply but someone beat him to it.

"Yeah, we'll be with you in a minute, Blondie. Just need to ask Sasuke something." Kiba's obnoxious voice rang out behind him. "You go ahead, we'll catch you up."

"Okay!" Naruto replied, "See you there." The blond waved and turned around, walking away with light, bouncing steps. He was practically dancing. Sasuke took his time to appreciate the unique view before he turned to glare at Kiba.

"What the _hell_ do you –"

"Shut. It." Sasuke opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it. "You and me. Classroom. Now." Kiba pointed to a nearby History classroom that was currently empty.

"I'm flattered, Kiba, but you know I only have eyes for one guy." Sasuke fluttered his eyelashes coyly and prayed to any merciful deity there might be – Vishnu, Jesus, _Spongebob_ – that, if he kept Kiba angry enough, he wouldn't have the sense to threaten to do what Sasuke really didn't want him to do.

For a moment, it appeared to have worked and Kiba reeled back, horrified for his masculinity.

"Y-yeah, none of that gay shit on me, okay? We need to talk seriously, asshole."

_Damn_.

"You know, it's "you and I" anyway, idiot." Sasuke was fully aware of the pleading tone in his voice as he was roughly shoved through the door to the classroom. Ever since Kiba had "found out" in Art the day before, Sasuke's mind had been filled with horrifying vision of what might happen. He could almost visualise Kiba threatening to tell Naruto, telling Naruto, Naruto's confused face morphing into an expression of disgust.

That couldn't happen.

"Just shut up and listen, okay?"

Sasuke complied, biting his lip and fidgeting in nervous anticipation. He sat down on a nearby desk and watched as Kiba twitched his fingers and mouthed words to himself. The idiot appeared to be physically forming the sentence he was about to say in the air and Sasuke, who treasured his own ready eloquence, nearly snorted in contempt. Nearly.

Kiba had far too much leverage at the moment for any snorting to go on. Contemptuous or otherwise.

Kiba appeared to gather his paltry wits about him and rounded on Sasuke with his mouth open as if to speak. He then took one look at Sasuke, froze and abandoned his carefully prepared speech.

"You really are a freak, you know? I mean, I shouldn't have to– it's not my job– I have _better_ things to do than run around trying to protect Naruto from you. I have to deal with my _grades_ and- and- and my _girlfriend_ and I'm such a moron for getting into this but I can't stop now because then you'll just do… _bad things_ to him," Kiba ranted and waved his hands in the air, coming within an inch of slapping Sasuke upside the head at one point. Sasuke caught his wrist to stop the tirade.

"Are you done?"

"No. You're … you're …" Kiba paused mid-sentence, his anger having deserted him momentarily, "Yes."

"Good. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to swimming."

This seemed to set Kiba off once again and the other boy grabbed him by the shoulders just as he was attempting to leave.

"Yeah, that. Look no funny stuff in swimming, alright? Just, he's going to be in his swimming kit and all and I don't want you perving on him, okay?" Kiba seemed to be uncomfortable talking about this kind of thing and Sasuke was impressed at the lengths he was prepared to go through for his friend despite his mild homophobia. This, however, did nothing to stop the sneering remark that fell from his lips.

"You've obviously thought this through quite thoroughly. Are you sure _I'm_ the one Naruto needs to be worried about?"

For a moment he thought Kiba was going to hit him. He was pretty sure that, for a moment, Kiba thought he was going to hit him.

"Look I'm as serious as fuck here," Kiba spat, "You need to stop _mentally undressing _Naruto or I'm going to do something about it."

"Like what? Tell him about it?" Sasuke felt himself get slightly hysterical. His eyes burned and he cursed himself for tearing up at such an inappropriate time. Kiba sighed heavily through his nose and relinquished his grip on Sasuke's shoulders with a disgusting pitying look on his stupid face.

"No, mate. I'm not going to do that."

"I'm not your mate and what? Why?" Kiba scratched the back of his neck and twirled his hand in a vague motion while Sasuke wiped his face with the back of his hands as if he could burn the humiliation away with friction and willpower.

"'Cause, you know, I figure if I liked a girl I might not want her to, you know, know about that and it's not that different and…" Kiba blushed a little and coughed into his hand, "You're an asshole an' all but I don't want to – it wouldn't be nice to – you know, I just … yeah."

Sasuke could have kissed him then and there if the prospect of touching him hadn't been so nauseating. He almost felt like thanking him but felt like he had embarrassed himself enough already.

"Well, I…" Deciding he'd rather lose all dignity than end up a bumbling fool like Kiba, he changed his tack, "Thanks."

"Well, yeah, that's – that's," Kiba clearly had no such reservations, "It's good that we, you know - not that I mean to say that this is a – but, yeah… Just don't be a perv in future, asshole."

Kiba practically ran out of the room and, as the door banged shut behind him, Sasuke couldn't help but feel relieved.

_Thank you, Spongebob._

* * *

Hmm, this chapter I'm not particularly happy with but I couldn't find a way to fix it and it's way too important to scrap. Then again, it's very short so... not too bad? I'd appreciate any suggestion on improving. The next chapters are a lot longer and, in my opinion, a lot better so, if you didn't like this one, please stick it out and try the third chapter.

Also, please review, even if you don't have much to say! It really brightens my day hearing from you guys. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke stalked along the corridors, with his hands in his pockets, and tried to generally give off the impression that he was not walking to lessons with Kiba. Because he wasn't.

At all.

Stupid Kiba.

He gave the other boy another glare in the vague hope he'd get the message and get out of his personal space. Kiba noticed the glare – _made eye contact with the glare _– and still walked along beside him, whistling like an idiot.

Which he was. Idiot.

Sasuke passed yet another gaudy display of absolutely vile artwork, which made him want to die on the best of days, and narrowly resisted the urge to spit on it. Anyone could do better than that; _he_ could do better than that. Maybe even Kiba could do better than that. Maybe.

Probably not, actually.

"You got something against Picasso-style, mate?" Kiba said, cheerily, which was completely unacceptable because that was the kind of thing friends said and they were not friends. Ever.

"No," Sasuke spat back at him, "I have a thing against _shit_. Besides, it's called cubism, retard."

Kiba snorted and was quiet for a little while, which Sasuke considered a blessing from God.

"I know why you're being so grouchy," Kiba said, after a little while. Sasuke glared at him again.

"I'm not being grouchy."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you-"

"I refuse to do this. Especially not with you."

"Do what?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and walked on, leaving Kiba with his thoughts. Hopefully, the moron really was too stupid to think and walk at the same time and Sasuke could get a nice head start away from him.

Unfortunately, he had no such luck and within seconds Kiba was back at his side, babbling like a fucking brook. It was a few more minutes before the "grouchy" subject was broached again.

"You're being grouchy," Kiba purred after a torrent of other useless information, "Because you owe me one."

Sasuke's brain immediately rebelled at this idea, slammed on the brakes and threw down the controls, leaving Sasuke standing in the middle of the hallway with a look of deathly repulsion on his face. Kiba careened into his shoulder as he walked past, spinning him round so that he stood in front of him.

Kiba then pointed at Sasuke's visage of utter horror and giggled. Fucking giggled.

"You look absolutely ridi-"

"_What did you say?"_

Kiba thought for a second or two before his momentously incompetent brain managed to process this information. "Uh, I said you owe me one. That's why you're so grouchy. Duh."

Sasuke mentally twitched at the "duh". He hated people who said "duh". Then again, he hated Kiba, so this was hardly surprising.

"I owe you for _what_ exactly?"

Kiba scratched at the back of his neck and mumbled something inaudible.

"Can you say that a little louder, please?"

"F-for not telling- can you stop making that face, please, it's fucking terrifying."

"No, I will not." Sasuke wondered briefly what "not telling" could be about before something in his brain, and then his self-control, clicked.

"When you do that face, you look just like my second year Geography teacher, you know. Boy was she terrifying. I mean, _shit_."

"I owe you for not telling Naruto, is that right?" Kiba snapped back from his reminiscing or whatever he thought he was doing, took one look at Sasuke's expression and started back-pedalling like crazy.

"Well, I didn't really mean it, mate. I just-"

"Is. That. Right?"

Kiba shuffled his feet for a second or two more before he replied. "Uh, yes?"

_I'm going to hit him, _Sasuke thought in the back of his mind (the rest was too busy raging), _I am actually going to hit him because if I don't I'll go crazy and he'll beat me up and I won't care because all I want to do is hit him._

Sasuke raised a hand, which Kiba stared at with a look of total incomprehension and-

"Hi!"

Something had lunged into Kiba before Sasuke could get the chance. Something being Naruto.

"Christ, you guys are taking ages! If you don't come now, you're going to be late for swimming," Naruto said, tugging on Kiba's sleeve and grinning at him. It was amazing how one – adorable - expression could cheer Sasuke up so much.

Naruto seemed to remember something. "Ah, and you guys have to get changed and everything, right? You're going to be even later."

"You're not changed either, Blondie," Kiba said, prodding Naruto in the chest. The nickname prompted an automatic scowl from Sasuke and Kiba _touching his Naruto_ added a glare to the deal.

"Uh? I so am!" Naruto responded by lifting his shirt up and tugging the waistband of his trousers down, which Sasuke didn't fully understand but was happy to witness. By the time, Naruto had dropped his shirt back down; Sasuke was in a very good place.

"You put your kit on under your clothes?" Kiba said, incredulously. Ah. Naruto had been showing them his swimming trunks, Sasuke realised, not that he had actually given much attention to that area at all.

Sasuke walked along, half-listening to Naruto and Kiba nattering away, before he remembered that he was supposed to be mad at Kiba – the fucking bastard. As the fuzzy feelings wore off even more, he realised that, if Naruto was already changed, he wouldn't need to get naked before climbing into the pool. At least, not fully. That was a pity.

Before long, Sasuke could smell the nasty chlorine stink of the school's pool and hear the hum of the water heater. When they reached the top of the stairs leading down into the changing area, both Naruto and Kiba pulled off their shirts and raced down after each other. It was actually quite a nice view if he totally ignored Kiba's existence, which he tried to do as much as possible anyway. Sasuke followed them down idly.

In the changing rooms, the vast majority of the boys were already in their swimming kits and milling around. Naruto quickly stripped off, which was nice, but then Kiba copied, which wasn't.

"What were you guys talking about anyway?" Naruto asked as he kicked off his trainers and undid the zip on his trousers. Sasuke was staring very hard at that zip so he didn't quite notice the question.

"Uh, girls? Sasuke likes this girl and we were... talking about it," Kiba said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Naruto put his hands on his hips and wagged a finger in front of Kiba's face. "Don't be stupid. Everyone knows Sasuke's gay. Now what were you really-"

Kiba choked and doubled over. "What?!" he squeaked. Naruto looked at him with a confused expression and patted him gently on the back. Suddenly, his blue eyes widened and he glanced between Sasuke and Kiba with an expression of absolute horror.

"Oh dear, you didn't know, did you? Sasuke, I'm so sorry. I just- I thought- oh dear. I hope you don't mind," he said, biting on his bottom lip and wringing his hands, "I mean, I'd hate to think you weren't friends anymore because of me and-"

Kiba straightened up almost immediately. "I'm fine. We're not friends. I'm fine. Just a bit of a shock there, Blondie. Hehe." Sasuke rolled his eyes again. Harder.

This didn't seem to placate Blondie – Sasuke swore mentally – _Naruto_, however. "What do you mean you're not friends?" Sasuke stopped untying his shoe laces and looked up at Naruto.

He damn near melted. In fact, he'd happily make Kiba a fucking friendship bracelet if it meant Naruto would cheer up.

"We're just not friends, mate. Nothing to bother yourself about," Kiba said, waving his stupid bloody hand casually.

"Oh." Naruto pouted for a bit, which was both adorable and heart-breaking at the same time, but then bounced back quickly and started prodding at Kiba, trying to get him to hurry up. Kiba swatted his hands away but Naruto just laughed and yanked Kiba's trousers down.

Sasuke found himself feeling a little bit jealous, which was stupid.

He tried to banish the stupid jealous thoughts out of his head and concentrated on changing. He was definitely not going to watch Kiba and Naruto scrapping with each other because, if he did, he might just have to kill Kiba for touching Naruto. Killing Kiba was quite a nice thought, he realised, so he tried to focus on that and not the way Naruto's face had flushed like he was enjoying it too much and-

Sasuke noted, with a certain detached disappointment, that he had been yanking so hard on his trousers that he had split one of the seams. He also noticed that his shoes were still on.

This was probably why he hated swimming.

Despite all of Naruto's "help", it appeared that Kiba had managed to get changed successfully. Naruto turned his attention to Sasuke and prodded him once on the side.

"Come on! Hurry up!" Naruto whined. Sasuke waved him off and kicked his trainers in to the corner.

"Why don't we just leave him here?" Kiba asked, with more than a hint of hopefulness in his voice. Sasuke glared and Naruto tutted.

"Don't be silly. You shouldn't leave your friends behind," Naruto said, sticking out his chin in mock seriousness and raising one fist to his heart.

Kiba sighed and yanked half-heartedly on Naruto's arm. "We're not friends, Blondie. I thought I told you that."

Naruto grinned at him. "Yeah, but you are really. I know your game. You're embarrassed about being man-buddies so you're trying to pretend you hate each other." Naruto nudged Kiba with his elbow for good measure and winked. Kiba looked close to vomiting.

"I can assure we are not friends," Sasuke said icily. Naruto stuck out his lower lip and frowned, which was so cute it almost made Sasuke want to take it back. Darn Naruto.

Before Naruto could do anything else that would make him want to do something awful like pretending to enjoy Kiba's company, Sasuke yanked his shirt up over his head. If he couldn't see Naruto, Naruto couldn't see him flushing.

"Well, Sasuke, my bestest buddy ever," Sasuke flinched from within the folds of his t-shirt, "Would you mind particularly if me and Blondie here went into the swimming pool without you, my good pal?"

"No," Sasuke growled and tugged fiercely on his t-shirt. It didn't budge, "And it's Blondie, I mean _Naruto_ and I, retard."

"Whatever," he heard Kiba say and, although he couldn't see it, he could vividly imagine the stupid face Kiba would be making. But then Kiba had a stupid face on all the time so perhaps that was redundant.

He pulled on the t-shirt again. It remained quite firmly affixed to his face.

"You're stuck," Naruto said and Sasuke heard the sound of footsteps nearing him and tried to struggle out of the shirt while backing away.

"No, I'm not," he said, wriggling his neck a little to see if he could dislodge the fabric menace that was his t-shirt.

"Don't be stupid," Naruto said.

Sasuke felt smooth hands brush against his skin for a moment before the t-shirt was pulled slowly off his head. Naruto stood there, t-shirt hanging limply in his hands, beaming like a child at Christmas.

Naruto had a really pretty smile. Sasuke sighed mentally.

"Neh, your face has gone all red," Naruto said, suddenly looking a little concerned, "You alright?"

Sasuke twitched. "Yes, I'm fine. Very fine. Super fine. Never been more fine than I am right now. Ahaha."

Naruto looked at him funny but didn't seem to see anything too odd about this. Kiba raised an eyebrow.

Stupid face. Stupid blood vessels. Stupid sexy Naruto.

Stupid sexy Naruto chose this moment to shrug and turn around. Sasuke found his gaze being pulled down.

Kiba coughed and shook his head slowly.

Stupid sexy Naruto's stupid sexy arse.

With a small sigh, Sasuke followed Naruto and Kiba into the pool. It was going to be a long swimming lesson and he wasn't sure if he was upset or pleased about that.

In the swimming pool, half the class was already lounging about and waiting for the lesson to begin. Naruto jogged his way over to the pool and slipped into the water.

Kiba chose to cannonball. Several boys around him squealed.

"Aw, come on. You afraid of getting wet in a swimming pool, mate?" he said, flicking some water at the squealing boys.

"Mr Inuzuka, splashing is strictly prohibited. Please desist."

"Prohibawhat?" Kiba asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Not allowed," Naruto whispered helpfully, "And desist means stop."

"Yeah, well, I knew that, Blondie. Hehe." Kiba turned away and grimaced.

He was such a moron.

Sasuke sank slowly into the water and conveyed this nugget of information to Kiba firsthand.

"Your mum's a moron," the other boy spat.

Sasuke stared at him. "What has my mother go to do with it?"

Kiba stared back. "Never mind."

"Alright boys, four laps frontcrawl," Mr Asuma cried. He was a man of about forty five who had mysteriously been chosen as a swimming teacher by the powers that be despite the fact that if he swam a yard he'd probably die. He was also always trying to get Sasuke to join the "Swimming Squad", which made Sasuke dislike him intensely.

Naruto set off first, with his usual enthusiasm and Sasuke sat back for a second or two to watch with admiration the way the muscles in his back moved when he swam. His blonde hair kept catching the light from the neon lamps in the ceiling. It was quite an impressive sight.

Sasuke would have happily sat there and enjoyed it all lesson had Kiba not chosen this moment to stamp on his foot.

"Oh, whoops," he said before pushing off from the side of the pool and swimming away, leaving Sasuke to nurse his foot and scowl at his retreating backside.

Ugh, maybe not for too long. A view like that could make anyone sick.

"Mr Uchiha, this lesson is generally for swimming, if you please."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, pushed off from the pool wall and went gliding through the water.

* * *

"How many more fucking laps is this man going to make us do?" Kiba said, in between gasping for breath. Sasuke himself, despite the fact that he was quite good at swimming, had also sprawled himself over the side of the pool in the hopes that, eventually, the room would stop spinning, take the hint and lie down with him. Naruto, however, remained chipper. It was a bit annoying really.

And that was quite something coming from Sasuke, who loved Naruto's cheerfulness.

"You know, Sasuke," he said, pedalling on the spot the keep himself from sinking instead of collapsing on the nearest solid piece of ground like a normal person, "You wouldn't get so worn out if you went to Swimming Squad. It's really great there. I think you'd like it."

Sasuke opened his mouth to retort that, actually, several members of the Swimming Squad were in the next aisle doing a very convincing impersonation of a group of dying fish, when a small fact snapped its finger in front of his face, stamped its foot and called him a girl's name.

"You're in swimming squad?" he asked, trying to focus on only one of the numerous Naruto's smiling cheerfully in front of his eyes.

"I mean, does he get off on seeing little boys suffer or what?" Kiba moaned, scrabbling feebly at the floor, "I hate swimming."

Naruto's mouth dropped open, most likely to inform Kiba about all the numerous wonders of swimming. Sasuke did him a favour by summing up the argument more succinctly.

"Shut up, moron."

"Your face is a moron," Kiba grumbled.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Uh... anyway. Yeah, I'm in Swimming Squad. Didn't you know?"

_No_, Sasuke thought, _I didn't and it officially changes _everything_. Oh, Mr Asuma. Thy sins are forgiven._

"No," Sasuke said, choosing his words carefully and lying through every tooth he had, "I never really wanted to join because I didn't think I'd know anyone there but now that I know _you_ go..."

Kiba's energy returned to him in a flash. "Oh, don't feel you have to Sasuke. No one wants to force you. Out of interest, Naruto, how does one join this Swimming Squad?"

Damn Kiba. Damn Kiba to heck.

"Oh, well," Naruto mumbled, staring at where his feet would be if that space wasn't occupied by chlorinated water, "You have to be really good at swimming and... I don't mean... that is – You could try out certainly, I'm just not sure- I only mention Sasuke because Mr Asuma's been asking him a lot and... um."

Kiba's face fell and Sasuke's spirits rose accordingly to occupy the space where it had been.

Struggling to keep the immensely cheerful look off his face, Sasuke patted Kiba on the back and said, "Oh, don't worry, Kiba. If you try really hard you can get in next year."

Kiba glared at him. Sasuke felt even happier.

Naruto beamed at both of them, "I _knew_ you guys were friends," he said cheerfully.

Sasuke and Kiba stared at him.

"Sometimes, Naruto, you are an absolute idiot," Sasuke said, after a pause.

Naruto mock scowled. "Your mother's face is an idiot."

Sasuke did a double-take. "What? Oh god, not you as well."

"Owned!" Kiba cried, before high-fiving Naruto joyously, "See, Sasuke, someone gets it."

Sasuke hid his face in his hands. Kiba was having a bad influence on Naruto. A really bad influence.

"So, Sasuke, are you going to join Swimming Squad?" Sasuke looked up, saw Naruto's face of utter adorable hopefulness and knew he wasn't going to be saying no.

"Yeah, okay, sure."

"Yes!" Naruto cried, launching himself at Sasuke, which caused him to lose his grip on the side of the pool and get dragged into the water. Naruto was still trying to hug him _under the water_ and Sasuke was trying to struggle upwards which, distressing as it was, meant that they collided with each other. Naruto's skin rubbed against his and Sasuke's whole body felt electrified.

They finally reached the surface in a tangle of limbs, Naruto laughing like a maniac and Sasuke spluttering for breath. He turned away so neither Kiba or Naruto would see the blush on his face.

"N-never do that again," he growled, rubbing furiously at his face in the hopes the incriminating redness would go away.

"Aw, did I upset you? I'm sorry," Naruto said with surprising sincerity and Sasuke heard him splash closer. Before he could do anything, though what he would have done he wasn't quite sure, Naruto's arms had hooked around his waist and Naruto's face was resting against his back.

His eyelid twitched. Oh, god.

With a final squeeze, Naruto let go of him, leaving Sasuke floating in the water, trying to lock the sensation in his memory and get rid of the bad thoughts associated with it at the same time. He almost asked Naruto not to do that again, before reminding himself that he did want Naruto to do that again. Very much. Oh, god.

"Alright now?" Naruto said, swimming round Sasuke to look him in the face and smiling. Sasuke nodded and squeaked helplessly.

Sasuke looked over at Kiba, who was obviously confused at to whether he should reprimand Sasuke, feel sorry for him or laugh his arse off. Judging from his facial expression, he was going for all three.

"Great!"

"Okay, boys, I think that's enough of a break!" Mr Asuma shouted. There was a chorus of groans from the assembled boys, mixed in with one "Why, God, why?!" from Kiba.

"Mr Inuzuka, if you would be quiet, please." Kiba gave the teacher a shit-eating grin and mimed zipping his mouth closed, "Thank you. Ten laps, Butterfly!"

There was another chorus, this time of "You must being kidding me". The teacher glared at his students and shooed them in the direction of the other end of the pool. "Go on! Get a move on!"

"No, no, no. Do not want. Do not want," Kiba wailed, grappling at the side of the pool as a determined Naruto tried to pry him off.

"Come on, Kiba. It's only ten laps. It's not that bad," Naruto said, through gritted teeth.

Kiba let out one final, wordless wail as Naruto succeeded in pulling him off the wall, gave up and started swimming. Well, try to swim anyway. Kiba didn't seem to get the butterfly stroke and had to stop every few seconds to get water out of his nose.

Sasuke leaned back on the wall and tried to look as invisible as possible so that, maybe, he wouldn't have to do anymore evil laps.

"So," purred a silky voice beside him, "How long have you had this little crush on Naruto?"

For a moment, Sasuke was about to tell Kiba where he could stick his goddamn homophobia before he realised that Kiba was halfway down the pool, shaking water out of his goggles. Besides, Kiba didn't have a voice so smooth it sounded like he'd just gargled chocolate and hand lotion.

He felt himself tense involuntarily.

"Orochimaru," he spat.

"Sasuke," his ex replied, "You haven't answered my question, you know."

"I don't intend to, asshole," Sasuke said with as much vitriol as he could manage.

"Oh, dear," Orochimaru sighed, pouting sadly. It reminded Sasuke of the face Naruto made sometimes, except it wasn't cute or endearing at all and it made him want to stab Orochimaru in the face, "You're not still all hung up over what happened are you?"

"No," Sasuke lied.

"Good," the other boy said, smirking like the fucking asshole that he fucking was and leaning back to rest his elbows on the side of the pool, which showed off all the muscles in his shoulders and neck. He always had to strike a pose - the bastard - he couldn't just stand there, "I mean, I'd hate to think there was any tension between us."

His voice had taken on that predatory quality that had always used to make Sasuke melt. Unsurprisingly, it no longer seemed to work.

"Don't even think about it, you bastard. I'm not interested."

Orochimaru retracted the hand that had been threatening to sneak around Sasuke's shoulders and examined his nails. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"Pervert."

Orochimaru peeked at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye and smirked at him. "As I recall, you used to like that about me," he purred.

Sasuke scowled at him fiercely. "Emphasis on the past tense," he hissed.

For a moment, Orochimaru almost looked angry, before he regained control and put his stupid suave act back up. That was the problem with Orochimaru – one of the many fucking problems with Orochimaru – what you saw was never what you actually got. It was what he tried to give you, sure, but he never quite managed it.

"You still haven't answered my question, darling."

"I. Am not. Your. Darling," Sasuke said, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists under the water.

"Hmm, whatever you say, dear," Sasuke refused to give Orochimaru the pleasure of riling him up, "But I want to know how long you've been interested in Naruto."

Sasuke scoffed. "Why? Are you jealous?"

The anger flashed across Orochimaru's face for another moment, so fast that most people would miss it completely. Sasuke had known Orochimaru for too long to miss this kind of thing, though.

"Of course not," Orochimaru said, once his veneer was safely back up, "I could have anyone I wanted."

"Oh, _yes_, anyone who's a gay man and stupid enough to believe your lies," Sasuke spat, "And, with me out of the way, there really aren't that many in this school, _baby_."

Orochimaru smiled like a shark that has just seen a baby seal without its mother, Sasuke knew that face well enough to know he was about to pull the ace out of his sleeve.

"Well," Orochimaru said, casually, "If I'm right, there's always Naruto. You know, I can see why you like him so much. He is pretty cute."

Sasuke was about to tell Orochimaru that Naruto was straight and he was an idiot, when his world crashed to a halt.

_If I'm right, there's always Naruto. _That's what Orochimaru had said. Orochimaru, Sasuke knew, was always right about that sort of thing. Always, always right. Which meant that, unless Orochimaru was pulling his leg, Naruto was gay. Or bisexual. Or whatever. It hardly mattered.

He almost felt happy until his brain caught up with reality again. _You know, I can see why you like him so much. He is pretty cute. _Orochimaru was threatening him, in his own roundabout way, with Naruto.

He felt like vomiting. He felt like vomiting on Orochimaru. He felt like vomiting on Orochimaru and then taking Naruto very far away from him so that he could never get hurt the way he had been.

A little part of his brain that liked to think the best of people told him that Orochimaru was just trash-talking, that he couldn't really mean it. That no one would do something like that.

Sasuke looked Orochimaru. Orochimaru looked back at Sasuke.

Orochimaru smiled.

A larger part of his brain, that was infinitely more sensible, replied "_He would_."

The pool water lapping around his torso felt a lot colder now. He shivered despite himself.

"What's wrong, honey? Afraid of a little competition?" Orochimaru said, smiling his shark-tooth grin.

And Sasuke was afraid. Of competition and Orochimaru and losing Naruto and _seeing Naruto get hurt_. He wouldn't be able to put up with that. He couldn't put up with that.

But he wasn't about to tell Orochimaru that. It would just egg him on.

Steeling himself and preparing to lie to the one person – the one fucking person – who had always been able to see through him, Sasuke was-

"What's going on here?"

-interrupted.

"Shut up, dumbass," Sasuke said, not breaking eye contact with Orochimaru.

He heard Kiba sigh. "Yeah, whatever, freak. I'll leave you alone with your boyfriend."

Sasuke twitched and Orochimaru smirked. "He's not my boyfriend, idiot," he snapped.

Kiba splashed over to them and waved a hand between their faces. "Yeah, well, how was I supposed to know that, huh? What with you two sitting here making googly eyes at each other. Naruto's already done about five millionty laps."

Sasuke looked away from Orochimaru, there wasn't much point now, and furrowed his eyebrows at Kiba. "I didn't notice him swim up here."

Kiba shrugged. "He said you two might want some alone time or whatever so he moved into another lane. Hey! Are you sure you guys aren't dating?"

Sasuke mentally cursed himself. "Yes, moron. I'm very sure."

Kiba shrugged. "Whatever you say, freak. I have swimming to do. Try to resist the temptation to start sucking face in the swimming pool, guys. No one wants to see that shit."

With that, he swam away. "Moron," Sasuke said, under his breath.

Orochimaru chuckled. "Your friend-"

"We're not friends," Sasuke spat.

"Uh-huh. He seems a little homophobic."

Sasuke didn't reply; he didn't want to have to agree with someone like Orochimaru.

Orochimaru grinned again. "I'll see you later then."

He ducked under one of the guide ropes and swam off, smirking to himself and leaving Sasuke alone with his thoughts-

"Mr Uchiha! This is the second time I have seen you lounging around and not swimming. If you would get a move on!"

-and Mr Asuma.

Sasuke pushed off from the wall and started swimming, throwing his arms behind him and diving into the water. The regular bursts of water to the face did nothing to cool his nerves, however.

Orochimaru was after Naruto. That was the only way you could put it, really. His ex-boyfriend had always treated seducing a guy like some kind of hunt. Most of the fun for him was in the chase.

_He_ was after Naruto himself. He supposed that was true. He wanted to date Naruto, of course, but he couldn't honestly say he would be heart-broken if Naruto never returned his feelings. There was something almost comforting about having an unattainable crush. Besides, his main goal in this was to protect Naruto and, if they ever started dating, it would be impossible to protect Naruto from the shit he would get.

Was Naruto really gay? Sasuke did a tumble turn at the other end of the pool and started on another lap. It could be possible. He'd never really seen Naruto take any interest in girls. He made a resolution to watch Naruto's habits for a bit instead of his arse.

He'd have to watch Naruto's back as well. Orochimaru was dangerous. Experience had taught him this much and it was a lesson he'd never forget. He couldn't let Naruto be sucked in like he had been. He just couldn't.

But how would he do that? He had seen firsthand how – he searched for the right word – sly Orochimaru could be. He was persuasive, he was underhand, he was – Sasuke would have to admit – really good at the hunt. It was probably all the practice he had had. Sasuke did another tumble turn and started on his third lap.

He realised with no small amount of horror that he had no idea how to stop Orochimaru. If he wanted Naruto, the bastard was probably going to get Naruto, even if it was only to get back at Sasuke for moving on from him.

A small part of his brain wondered if maybe Orochimaru really did like Naruto and if they wouldn't be good for each other. Maybe it had just been him that had ruined the relationship. Maybe, by trying to protect Naruto, he was doing the wrong thing.

An even smaller part of his brain, that he tried to block out as much as possible, asked if maybe seeing Orochimaru make Naruto happy would be even worse than seeing the bastard hurt him.

The revelation shocked him and he stopped mid-stroke. A second later, something barrelled into him.

"What the hell, you freak! Look where you're going!"

It was Kiba.

"Why do you keep calling me a freak, dumbass?" he snapped, eager to vent his frustration at something too stupid to retaliate properly.

"Why do you keep calling me a dumbass, freak?" Sasuke glared.

"Because you are a dumbass. Besides, I don't call you that all the time. Sometimes I call you a moron." Sasuke crossed his arms in front of him before deciding he was too mature for this and making to start off again. Kiba, obviously not keen to lose his excuse for not swimming, grabbed his arm.

"Um, because when I first met you I thought you were a Crazy Glaring Freak," Kiba said. He looked a little embarrassed to have admitted it, actually. Sasuke glared some more but realised that he had ended up squinting and satisfied himself by punching Kiba in the arm.

"What do you mean? I wasn't glaring at you. And I'm not crazy. Or a freak."

"Yes, you were! Actually, now that I think about it, maybe that's just your normal face..."

Sasuke hit him again. Harder.

"Ow! Okay, okay. Jesus," Kiba said clutching his arm and pouting. He couldn't do it like Naruto could either. Sasuke was beginning to suspect it was a unique talent, "Well, once I got to know you, I realised you weren't a Crazy Glaring Freak, okay?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to tell Kiba that, if he even dared mentioned the word "friend", his last words would be "Oh god, no, Sasuke. Please don't make me eat my own face. Oh god, please."

"You're a Pervy Gay Freak," Kiba finished, in a tone of voice that suggested he believed he had made a completely reasonable remark.

Sasuke couldn't even glare anymore. He could only manage a gape.

"Could you _be_ any more of a homo-"

He stopped. Kiba was homophobic. Kiba was a retard. Kiba was ridiculously overprotective of Naruto despite the fact they'd known each other for a sum total of about three days.

Kiba was the exact kind of retarded, overprotective homophobe that would look at someone like Orochimaru – the self-assured, sexually confident gay man that he was – and see the devil incarnate. The kind of guy who'd want to make sure Orochimaru had absolutely nothing to do with a close friend of his. The kind of guy who, if forced to choose between Orochimaru and Sasuke himself as potential lovers for his best friend, would pick Sasuke ten times out of ten.

"What?" Kiba spluttered, though Sasuke was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to really listen, "I am _not_ a _homo_. I am the opposite of a homo. I am like the anti-homo!"

Yes, Kiba _was_ the anti-homo. He was like gay repellent. He was like a can of Raid that killed homosexuals instead of insects. It was making Sasuke a little giddy.

Kiba was – in a weird, annoying, indirect sort of way – the answer to Sasuke's prayers. Orochimaru may have had suavity and persuasiveness and confidence and more practice at this than Sasuke could possibly imagine but _Sasuke_, Sasuke had Kiba. Kiba the unstoppable, unbelievable, unbearable force of nature that he was.

Sasuke was so excited he could have kissed someone. But not Kiba. Because he was a homophobe.

"I like _women_," Kiba assured him, "Attractive, naked women with boobs, remember?"

"Yeah, whatever, dumbass. Let's just do some swimming, alright?" Sasuke said.

_You are going to be my new best friend, Kiba, whether you want to be or not_.

Sasuke kicked his legs and swam away, leaving Kiba spluttering behind him and calling for him to wait up.

* * *

Wasn't kidding when I said this chapter would be longer, huh? Thirteen pages! Well, I hope you liked it and please review and leave your opinions. :)

I'm taking a break for Christmas so the next update will be on 27th of December. Happy Christmas everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

The fated swimming lesson left Sasuke in good spirits, not only for the rest of the day, but for all of the next day too. After swimming, with Kiba concentrating more on bitching about the evil swimming teacher than "protecting" Naruto, Sasuke had been able to ogle Naruto just as much as he'd liked.

Sure, unspoken shower protocol meant that everyone had to face the wall so he'd only gotten a rear view but, hey, he wasn't about to complain. There was a mental image of tanned skin and very firm areas of muscle in his head that he hoped would stay there forever. All that swimming obviously did wonders for Naruto's – ahem – physique.

On Thursday, a very surprised Mr Asuma got a visit from Sasuke, begging to be allowed on the Swimming Squad. Sasuke was accepted and told that swimming practice was at lunchtime on Thursday, though obviously he would have to start next week when he had his kit with him.

Sasuke also surprised Kiba that day, who received a cardiac arrest-worthy shock when – oh horror of horrors – Sasuke tried to make polite and friendly conversation with him. Naruto beamed in the background as Kiba "chatted" with Sasuke, while attempting to use body language to ask Sasuke exactly what the flying fuck he thought he was doing.

It cheered Sasuke up no end, not just because he could mess with Kiba's brain, but also because getting Kiba on his side was a vital part of The Cause.

When Kiba sidled up to him later and asked him exactly what the flying fuck he thought he was doing using _verbal_ language, Sasuke merely smiled and said that he "wanted to try and make things right between them so that they could be friends". Kiba gave Sasuke a look, which he could accurately interpret as saying "Whatever shit you're selling, don't expect me to get my wallet out, mate," but Kiba didn't push the issue further.

For the rest of the day, Sasuke spent his time plotting, doodling the various possibilities for Orochimaru's unpleasant demise on his notes and daydreaming about Naruto. The last one had been a usual activity since last year, when he had just split up with Orochimaru and Naruto had slammed into his affections like a cannonball made of tanned, blond, unparalleled hotness.

Since Naruto wasn't at lunch that day due to swimming practice, Sasuke took his place next Kiba in order to further The Cause.

"Look, whatever you're trying to do with Naruto, I'd appreciate you leaving me out of it," Kiba hissed out of the corner of his mouth as Sasuke tucked into the Spaghetti Bolognese that was on offer for lunch that day.

"Surely, if I'm doing something with Naruto, you'd want to stop me as quickly as possible to protect his innocence from my evil gayitude," Sasuke said.

Kiba didn't appear to notice the sarcasm. "Well, yeah, but I already agreed I'm not going to tell him or any shit because I'm a nicer person than you are," Kiba said, slurping up the spaghetti with an absolutely disgusting noise and getting sauce all over his chin, "So, trying to stop you perving is all I can really do."

Sasuke found himself slightly impressed and noted this information down. It was almost good of Kiba, certainly, but he worried that, if Kiba was trying to be understanding, he wouldn't want to stop Orochimaru either.

He made a further resolution, on top of finding out if Naruto was really gay, to show Kiba that Orochimaru was very different and much worse than he was and that, therefore, he should be stopped at all costs. It shouldn't be too hard. Anyone with half a brain – who wasn't distracted by his looks like he had been, Sasuke reminded himself – could see Orochimaru was a slippery little bugger and no mistake.

Anyone with half a brain... Sasuke cursed. It would be harder than he had thought.

After lunch, there was a Biology lesson. The sciences were sorted in grade divisions so neither Naruto nor Kiba were in his class; Naruto because he was bad at science and Kiba because he was bad at everything.

Orochimaru was good at science, though, swaggered into the class like a cat who had, not only the cream, but the whole fucking cow and sat down right next to Sasuke.

"Hey, baby," he purred, pulling his books out of the bag swung over one shoulder and shifting his seat a little closer to Sasuke's. Sasuke shifted away accordingly.

"Go away."

"Aw, you're breaking my heart here, darling," Orochimaru said, with a fake, melodramatic expression completely ruined by a shark-like grin.

Sasuke spent the rest of the lesson being successfully wound up. Every little leading comment about Naruto, every little "accidental" brush against his hand or thigh and every little, smug smirk when Orochimaru noticed his gritted teeth made him even angrier.

But he wouldn't let Orochimaru know just how much he was getting to him. He wouldn't let him win this.

When the bell rang and the class was dismissed, Sasuke grabbed his books and bag, rushed past Orochimaru – making sure to crash into his shoulder on the way – and hurried out of the room, leaving Orochimaru and his condescending chuckle behind him.

Sasuke raced down staircase after staircase, not particularly caring where he was going but desperate to get away from that bastard, until he crashed into something.

"What the hell, you freak! Look where you're going!"

Why was it always Kiba?

"Fuck off, bastard," Sasuke spat and moved to rush past.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's all that about? Why're you so pissy all of a sudden? Well, pissier than usual."

"Why should you care?" Sasuke said spitefully before stomping down the stairs. He didn't want to have to deal with Kiba right now. He didn't want to have to deal with anyone.

"Becaaaause," Kiba said, racing to keep up with him, "We're supposed to be super, awesome best _friends_ now, aren't we?" Kiba grabbed his arm and Sasuke's momentum spun him round until they faced each other.

"I'm not feeling very friendly," Sasuke said, with a face which he hoped would successfully convey that, unless Kiba let fucking go of his fucking arm, someone would very shortly die. And it wouldn't be him.

Kiba, however, just snorted. "You're never feeling friendly. You're basically incapable of it."

"I didn't know you could use long words like "incapable", Kiba. Well done."

Kiba wagged a finger in front of Sasuke's nose. "No changing the subject," he said, in a sing-song voice.

Damn him.

"Now, tell me what's wrong," Kiba said.

"No."

"Don't be a baby, Sassy-poo, I can do this all day."

"Did you just call me _Sassy-poo_?"

"Subject, no changing it," Kiba said, his wagging finger pausing to tap Sasuke on the nose. Sasuke swatted his hand away.

"What if I don't want to tell you?" Sasuke said, glaring as viciously as he could manage.

"Well, then," Kiba said, dragging Sasuke by his arm down the stairs, while whispering with the mock cheerfulness usually associated with torturers who enjoy their job a mite too much, "Then, I will have to go tell Naruto that something is bothering you and you're not telling me what it is. And _then_, he will have a talk with you and make that sad face which is just _so cute_ that you can't help telling him everything. That's what I'll do." Kiba let go of his arm and grinned at him. At least, the corners of his mouth turned up and he showed his teeth but, to Sasuke, it didn't seem at all cheery.

"You bastard, how did you know about the pouty face effect?" Sasuke said, finding that, despite himself, he was a teensy bit impressed with Kiba.

Kiba rolled his eyes. "I may be bad at Maths and shit, yeah, but I know a good bit more than you about people," he slapped his chest with one hand, "Bitches better recognise, aight."

Sasuke stared at him.

Then he stared some more.

"I'm not going to ask you what that was, because then you might answer, but I want you to promise you will never do it ever again," he said, after an awkward silence.

"Yeah, okay. I just always wanted to say that."

There was another pause. "You're a moron."

Kiba smiled at him. "And you're a freak, mate. And don't you ever change."

Sasuke sighed and walked away, Kiba walking at his side. He sensed an arm about to creep round his shoulders, reached behind him and grabbed Kiba's wrist.

"Too far," he said.

"Okay."

They walked in silence for a little while, which Sasuke was infinitely thankful for, before Kiba felt the need to talk again.

"So, what was pissing you off, freakmate? And don't think I won't really sick Naruto on you, cause I will."

Freakmate? Sasuke shrugged it off mentally. It was all for The Cause.

"I'm not your mate, moron," Sasuke said, though he made sure to say it half-heartedly. He didn't know if he should quite tell Kiba about Orochimaru yet. He figured it would be better to do so when they were closer and he could guarantee that Kiba would side with him.

That tiny part of his brain, that he really disliked, piped up to inform him that using Kiba like this was morally detestable before he managed to shove it back in its box. He would have to be morally detestable if he wanted to protect Naruto because Orochimaru was morally detestable.

The tiny part of his brain whined something about not becoming what you hate. Sasuke ignored it.

"Just this guy in my science class that's annoying me. Don't worry about it," Sasuke said, shrugging and looking away.

"I'm not worrying about you," Kiba said with a tiny hint of fear. He probably thought Sasuke might come on to him or something ridiculous just because he had shown concern for his wellbeing.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Kiba's issues were an annoying but necessary evil.

Sasuke and Kiba had arrived at the entrance to the dorm building without really noticing it and, lo and behold, Naruto was there waiting for them, his satchel hanging off one shoulder and a cheery grin on his face.

But it wasn't directed at them. It was directed at who he was talking to.

Orochimaru.

Orochimaru was standing there, leaning against a wall and posing like he always did, most likely drawling some absolute crap in Naruto's ear.

Orochimaru kept running his hands through his gorgeous hair and smiling, which Sasuke recognised as one his old tricks. His smile could be really charming when he wanted it to be. Sasuke hated him for it. It was all wrong, like a snake being cute.

He heard Kiba snort beside him. "Look at that guy. Don't he look a right tosser? He keeps touching up his hair. I can bet you he loves himself something chronic."

He does, Sasuke thought. I know him. He didn't say anything, though.

"Let's go rescue Naruto from him then," Sasuke said, casually, before walking off to where Naruto was. He made sure that he walked slowly enough so that Kiba caught up with him, however. The unerring homophobic vibe Kiba emitted was beginning to become a comfort through its constancy and he would need as much comfort as he could get.

Sasuke saw Orochimaru sit up just a little straighter as they approached and flash Kiba a blinding smile.

"Oh, hey," he said, brightly, "You must be Kiba. Naruto mentioned you."

Kiba looked him up and down, his eyes pausing on Orochimaru's ridiculously expensive shoes. Even without Sasuke's "prodding", it seemed Kiba had taken an instant dislike to Orochimaru, though Sasuke didn't think it was due to a finely tuned gaydar. He had seen the contempt in Kiba's eyes as he looked at those shoes.

Kiba, a working class boy through and through, had spotted an upper class brat and something inside him was rebelling petulantly.

Kiba's jaws worked as if he were chewing a very stubborn piece of gum. He sucked on his teeth and stared at Orochimaru for a little while before replying. Orochimaru stood there, bright smile still fixed on his stupid face, and waited.

"'Sup," Kiba said, finally.

Orochimaru's mega-watt smile dimmed slightly and Naruto glanced between the pair with slight alarm.

"Er, Orochimaru, this is Sasuke," he said, gesturing at Sasuke so that his hand broke their interlocked gazes.

Orochimaru looked away from Kiba quickly, gave Sasuke a microscopic glance out of the corner of his eye and turned back to Naruto, smiling like a fool. "We've already met," he said, pointing to Sasuke over his shoulder.

Kiba gave Sasuke a look that said, very fiercely, "You know this guy?"

"He's in my _science class_," Sasuke said, more for Kiba's benefit than Naruto's.

Kiba looked at Sasuke again. Sasuke nodded imperceptibly.

The Cause was going so much better than Sasuke ever could have thought and he hadn't even needed to try. He mentally crossed "Show Kiba that Orochimaru is a douchebag" off his to-do list and smirked to himself.

"We'd better get going," Kiba said, in the kind of tone that suggested that, if they didn't get going, someone would find themselves gone, "See you, Orochimaru."

Kiba bared his teeth in a mock smile at Orochimaru, grabbed both Sasuke and Naruto by the arms and dragged them off. Naruto waved to Orochimaru over his shoulder and Sasuke saw him wave back with that horrible, smug expression on his face before Kiba pulled him out of sight.

_Stupid idiot_, Sasuke thought, _he doesn't know he's already lost_.

Once all three of them rounded the corner, Kiba let go of their arms and stopped walking. Naruto nursed the spot where Kiba had grabbed him and scowled.

"What was all that about, Kiba?" he asked grumpily.

Kiba shrugged and scuffed the toe of his trainers on the ground in little circles. "I don't know. That guy just rubs me the wrong way."

Naruto looked up at him incredulously. "You've only just met him! You could at least have given him a chance."

"He's not worth one," Sasuke spat before he realised what he was saying. Naruto's face fell.

"Oh. You guys don't like each other? I mean, I thought you used to-"

"Times change," Sasuke said, quickly, before Naruto could finish his sentence. Kiba had noticed his haste and looked at him funny out the corner of his eye.

"Well, I just," Naruto hitched his bag up and hooked it over his other shoulder, "I'm sorry about that. I have to go back to my room now. Lots of homework, yeah?" Naruto smiled weakly and turned away. Sasuke watched him walk until he had rounded the corner, before grinding a fist into his face in his frustration.

Kiba batted the fist away. "Hey, your face is bad enough already, mate. Don't go making it any worse."

Sasuke stared at him. Somehow, even when Kiba was being nice, he managed to be an insufferable moron. He started walking towards his dorm building without answering and, to his horror, Kiba tagged along with him.

"Now what was all that about? You and Orochimaru had some kind of lover's quarrel and now you hate the bastard?"

Sasuke glared. "Don't you have a dorm to go to or do you just live in a special astral plane inhabited by things that make my life miserable?"

"Don't be an idiot, freak. I just live in this block as well. Now tell me what happened with your little boyfriend."

Sasuke looked at his feet. He wasn't going to tell some idiot like Kiba what had happened to him, not even to further The Cause.

There was a period of silence.

"Shit, _shit_," Kiba said suddenly, "You guys weren't actually?"

Sasuke looked up at him. "What do you think?"

"Aw, mate. I'm sorry, yeah? I didn't know you guys were really... you know." Kiba made to pat him on the back consolingly and Sasuke brushed the hand away.

"Yes, we were really you know, as you so eloquently put it," Sasuke said, scowling at the carpeted floor.

They walked in silence for a long time and Sasuke wondered, after a few minutes, if this might be the longest stretch of time in which Kiba hadn't said anything. The thought was quite enjoyable.

Eventually, they reached Kiba's floor and the momentous joy of a silent Kiba came to an end. "I have to go that way, yeah? I'm sorry – shit – I'm really sorry about that whole shit, freakmate. I didn't know an' that. If it makes you feel better, he's a total dickwad," Kiba said with a pained expression on his face.

Sasuke didn't even have the motivation to be snarky and just waved him off. "Whatever, dumbass."

With that, Kiba walked off, singing some shitty R 'n' B song under his breath and making obscene hand gestures to go along with the lyrics, causing one upper class boy on his floor to very nearly have a heart attack. Sasuke smiled and walked off.

Maybe – just maybe – though he was quite loath to admit it, pretending to like Kiba as a friend wouldn't be all _that_ bad.

* * *

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and please review to tell me what you think!

The next chapter is the first to contain some actually yaoi-ness (no lemons, though) and it will be up on New Year's Day! It's a much longer gap than usual but I wanted to post a chapter on the first day of the year. XD

**Responses to particular reviews:**

_MidnightInDecember_ - Thank you for pointing out the parts that you liked; I find it's really helpful in telling me how to write because it means I know what is good. Additionally, I agree with you that mild homophobia and assholishness don't have to mix. :) Also, belated Merry Christmas to you too.

_Shounen-Ai_ - Uh, wow. This review was amazing for me. It basically cheered me up for the rest of the day, which makes me sound a bit sad... Well, thank you anyway. And thank you very much for reccing my story. I really, really appreciate that. :D

_Hot-Emo-Athiest _- Yeah, they totally did, didn't they? :D You're a smart cookie, you are. That or you have a secret telepathic link to my mind and you're reading my plans for future chapters while I'm sleeping. _


	5. Chapter 5

The first part of this chapter might be a little disturbing if you don't like non-con so skip past the italics bit if you want.

Also, Sasuke isn't his usual self in the flashback because he's younger and less cynical. Think of him as a pre-Uchiha Massacre kind of Sasuke and Orochimaru as what tipped him over into snarky bastard mode.

* * *

_Sasuke sniffled and wiped a hand across his eyes to get rid of the tears. He didn't understand why Orochimaru had to be so mean to him all the time. He huddled down further among the mops and buckets in his new secret hideout. Sasuke had taken to hiding away in the closet of cleaning supplies to avoid Orochimaru when he was in one of his moods, which he most certainly was now._

_He hugged his knees and pouted at nothing. Orochimaru just didn't trust him enough. Whenever he talked to anyone who wasn't him, Orochimaru would get all angry and call him all those things and-_

_It wasn't nice. He sniffled again._

"_Sasuke," he heard Orochimaru say, though his voice was muffled by the heavy wooden door, "Come on, Sasuke, I know you're in there."_

_Shit. Sasuke tried to go perfectly still. How had Orochimaru found him?_

_He heard a sigh. "Sasuke, look, you know I didn't mean it, don't you?"_

_A very treacherous part of Sasuke's brain reminded him that Orochimaru _always _said that. Sasuke didn't like that part of his brain. It said rude things about people and it was altogether too cynical. _

"_Go away," Sasuke said quietly to his knees and shrank back further into a pile of Dettol. _

"_Sasuke," Orochimaru said again, though this time his voice wasn't concerned or understanding. It had gone back to that warning tone he always used before he did something awful. Sasuke shivered, grabbed a broom and used the handle to nudge the door open._

"_What?" he said, looking up at Orochimaru._

"_Don't look at me like this is my fault, Sasuke!" Orochimaru growled, striding into the room and grabbed the broom out of Sasuke's hand, "If you hadn't been..."_

_The veneer has gone back up, whispered the treacherous little part of Sasuke's brain, watch as he pretends that outburst never happened._

_Orochimaru knelt down and cupped Sasuke's chin in one hand. "Don't be upset now," he whispered, his thumb stroking along Sasuke's jaw, "Everything's alright. Because you understand now, don't you? And you won't do it again."_

_Sasuke shook his head and tried to wriggle out of Orochimaru's grip. Orochimaru wouldn't let him go, though. _

"_Sasuke!" Orochimaru said, the malice back in his voice, grabbing Sasuke's shoulder's to keep him still. He reached up to caress Sasuke's face, his hand brushing against the angry, purple bruise on Sasuke's left eye, "Don't be silly, Sasuke. I told you that you should be grateful." His grip on Sasuke's shoulders tightened slightly. _

_Sasuke pawed uselessly as his boyfriend's hands. "I am! I am! I just want to be alone now." His eyes were squeezed shut and his face was twisted in a grimace. Why wouldn't Orochimaru go away? He just wanted him to go away!_

_Orochimaru didn't go away, however, and Sasuke's eyes snapped open when he felt his boyfriend's mouth covering his. He tried to push him away but Orochimaru was stronger and, when he opened his mouth to object, a tongue slipped past his lips._

_For a moment, the treacherous part of his brain suggested biting down on it but that would just make Orochimaru angry again. Sasuke wriggled futilely for a bit longer until Orochimaru shifted his weight so that he was pinning him down, his hands gripping Sasuke's wrists and Sasuke's pelvis trapped underneath his. _

_Eventually, Orochimaru leaned back and Sasuke could breathe normally again. He swallowed to get his boyfriend's taste out of his mouth and grimaced again._

"_What's wrong, Sasuke? You usually like this," Orochimaru said. His voice was caught between that horrid warning growl and the suggestive purr he used so often. Sasuke looked away and squirmed uselessly, which only made Orochimaru smile._

_In a sudden motion, Orochimaru got up and locked the door. "There no need to worry about getting caught anymore, darling," he purred, crawling back over to where Sasuke sat, eyes wide in apprehension. Orochimaru knew that wasn't why he was frightened but he still tried to lie and pretend anyway. _

_Orochimaru kissed him again, once on the lips and again on his collarbone, biting him until the skin went red. Sasuke felt a hand grasp the zip on his trousers and his eyes filled with tears._

"_No," he said, pushing feebly at Orochimaru's broad shoulders._

"_Shh, darling, it's okay. No one knows we're here."_

_Orochimaru kissed him once more, so that he couldn't say no again most likely, and tugged the zip down._

"Ah!" Sasuke sat straight up and the room spun for a moment until the blood returned to his head. He was panting and, he realised as soon as he put a hand to his face, covered in a cold sweat.

His hands shook as he reached for the light and his heart was racing in his chest. He scowled at his hand as if that would stop its tremors.

He shouldn't get scared, he reminded himself, he should get angry.

Fucking Orochimaru.

Sasuke sat up in his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and not feeling at all frightened. The part of his brain that was feeble and weak and had believed all of Orochimaru's fucking lies tugged at his consciousness like a mewling kitten and he refused to sleep again until it had gone away.

So he sat up and didn't think about Orochimaru or Naruto or what Orochimaru could do to Naruto or what Orochimaru could do to _him_. He wasn't afraid of Orochimaru anymore, he would never be afraid of Orochimaru ever again because he shouldn't get afraid.

He should get angry. Fucking Orochimaru.

And he didn't remember the bad things that Orochimaru had already done to him or even dare to think about the bad things he could do in the future or even wonder about the probably awful things he was doing now. He wasn't going to think about that, he wasn't going to think about anything, except The Cause.

The Cause would prevail, he knew that much because he had Kiba and Kiba, despite being an unbelievable moron and a homophobe and lots of other things besides, would be able to protect Naruto from Orochimaru. He also hoped, though it was silly and stupid, that, if it really came down to it, Kiba would be able to protect him as well.

Not that he would need protection, though, because he wasn't afraid. At all. He was angry, always angry, because if he was angry then he couldn't be afraid and, if he wasn't afraid, then Orochimaru could hurt him.

Fucking Orochimaru.

Eventually, Sasuke turned the light off and went back to sleep and he did not dream or even dream of dreaming about Naruto or fear or janitor's closets where he thought he could hide or being hurt by someone who should care about him.

Or fucking Orochimaru. He would never ever think about fucking Orochimaru again.

* * *

"You," Kiba said, cheerily as Sasuke trudged along the pavement to school, "Look like utter shit."

Sasuke groaned.

"I mean, really," Kiba continued with a bright smile on his face, "If there was a zombie apocalypse going on right now, I'd have probably hit you over the head with a spade already. Didn't you sleep at all last night?"

"Fucking Orochimaru," Sasuke breathed.

"What was that?"

Sasuke waved a hand at him. "Nothing. I just- it's nothing," Sasuke glared at Kiba's smile hatefully, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

Kiba beamed again. Sasuke could almost imagine a wagging tail behind him.

"Because it's Friday," Kiba said, finally.

There was a pause.

"And?"

"And tomorrow is a Saturday."

Another pause. The pair had almost reached the main wing by now and Sasuke could vaguely glimpse a mop of blond hair in the crowd of students. Naruto?

The blond mop was talking to someone. Orochimaru? Sasuke gritted his teeth.

"And Saturday is a weekend day so there won't be any school and-"

"Do you actually have any reason to be happy or are you just doing it to annoy me?" Sasuke snapped.

There was yet another pause, this time longer.

"And my girlfriend is visiting tomorrow?" Kiba finished tentatively.

"Oh," Sasuke said, his anger deflating when the crowds shifted and he realised the blond mop was some unimportant person he didn't know, "Good."

"She's called Ino," Kiba said, as if this were a great achievement on her part.

"That's lovely, Kiba. Really it is."

"And she's _awesome_," Kiba said, the fucking annoying smile from before slowly returning, "You'll totally love her."

"What do we have next?" Sasuke said, before Kiba could go off on a tangent about his awesome girlfriend and her awesome name and, if he was any judge of Kiba's character, her boobs, which were probably also awesome.

"I don't know," Kiba, slipping off his book bag and swinging it round so he could rifle through it, "Let me check."

Sasuke, out of pure curiosity, risked a look inside Kiba's bag.

God. And he thought Naruto was messy.

School books were crammed in, some of them partially inside other books or bent right in half so as to fit in the small space, which was also littered with a number of gum wrappers and crumpled pieces of paper. From what Sasuke could see, they were all covered in extensive, doodled panoramas. There were faces, rocket ships, landscapes, caricatures of the teachers and one picture – on the Latin book – that looked suspiciously naked and very curvaceous.

Kiba had the decency to confirm Sasuke's worst suspicions. "Stop looking at my Latin Book Lovely, freak, she's not the kind of thing you'd like anyway."

"And is she the kind of thing your Latin teacher likes?" Sasuke said, stifling a contemptuous snort.

Kiba shrugged. "Wouldn't know, I've never handed anything in, have I? Hey! There it is!"

Kiba punched his arm inside the bag, inserting it up to about the elbow and scrabbled around at the bottom of the bag for a few seconds, his tongue peeking out in concentration.

Finally, after a laborious period of tugging, a bedraggled planner emerged, grasped firmly in Kiba's hand.

"I think that constitutes as abuse," Sasuke said, raising an eyebrow at the ripped, muddied, bent, doodled-on, burnt in some areas and generally _harassed_ pages of Kiba's planner.

"It's just a book, mate. Anyway, right now we have..." a finger much dirtier – though this wasn't saying much – that it had been when Kiba had first started rummaging traced the timetable on the back of the planner, "Right now we have History. With Mr Hatake."

Sasuke paled. "Oh God, spare me."

"Why? What's wrong with him?" Kiba asked as they headed off to the Humanities department, looking a little frightened, "He doesn't throw things at you, does he?"

"No, what kind of teacher does that?"

Kiba didn't reply.

"Umm, anyway, I wonder where Naruto is," Kiba said, after a very awkward pause, "He should really be here by now."

"Maybe he's talking to Orochimaru," Sasuke said, scowling petulantly.

* * *

Sunlight filtered in through the slats in the blinds and Naruto blinked awake. He stretched his whole body, like a cat in the sun, and sighed happily.

Having a dorm room all to himself was great. No noisy room mates waking him up at ungodly hours, no having to share the bathroom and no finding someone else's used pants on the floor. It wasn't that he didn't get lonely sometimes, it would be nice to have someone to talk to, but a single dorm room definitely had its perks.

He rolled over and grabbed his alarm clock with one hand so he could check the time. It was nine o'clock.

Then he stretched again, arching his back, and kicked the duvet off his bed.

Wait.

Wait.

_Nine o'clock?!_

He grabbed the alarm clock again, confirmed that it really was nine o'clock and he really was already late for class and thumped his pillow with one fist.

Naruto raced out of bed, trying to remove his pyjama bottoms at the same time and inevitably tripping over them. He leapt up once more and yanked his jeans out of a pile of washing before glancing around hurriedly for a shirt to wear.

Crap. Crap. _Crap_. They were all dirty.

He turned back to the washing pile and started rummaging through it. There were two tops that were too stained to wear, three tops that were soaking wet for some reason and one that was – he sniffed it – _not an option_.

Ugh, he really should have done some washing at some point. He rifled further, flinging dirty clothes over his shoulder and tugging on his jeans at the same time until he reached, to his horror, the bottom of the pile.

He had no clean shirts and he was – he checked the clock again – nearly 40 minutes late for class.

Naruto turned, slowly, to look at his chest of drawers. It contained all those clothes he really didn't want to wear. Really, really didn't want to wear.

Then again, he thought, pulling open the top drawer, he really didn't want to show up to class late _and _half-naked.

Naruto slammed into the bathroom, having eaten a whole and hearty breakfast consisting of a breakfast bar and one handful of dry cornflakes, wearing a bright, pink Hello Kitty shirt. He didn't even understand why he had the damn thing but it was the only thing he had that was clean.

He grabbed a tube of toothpaste, quickly realised it was actually hand lotion and pulled some actual toothpaste off the bathroom shelf. He then squeezed approximately half the entire tube onto one toothbrush and tried to brush his teeth, running a plastic comb through his hair as he did so.

Naruto was – he glanced at the clock on the bathroom wall – forty five minutes late for – he went outside, grabbed his planner from his book bag and checked the timetable – History.

Far, far too late.

He ducked his head back through the bathroom door and spat the toothpaste into the toilet, because it was nearer than the sink, before chucking his toothbrush into the sink and hoping the toothpaste left on it wouldn't congeal and stick permanently to the ceramic surface. Knowing his luck, it probably would.

Then he grabbed his bags, shoved the required books inside and raced out the door, only just remembering to lock it behind him. A cleaner hovering in the corridor gave him a funny look, though Naruto didn't know whether that was because of his lateness, his questionable t-shirt or possibly a mix of both.

By the time Naruto reached his History lesson, he was exactly one hour late and the double period was almost over. He considered just waiting outside for the lesson to end but then thought better of it and slipped quietly inside.

He had hoped he could avoid as much attention as possible. This was difficult, however, when wearing a skin-tight Hello Kitty shirt. His classmates sniggered and his teacher glared.

"I, um, slept through my alarm and... er... all my shirts were dirty so-"

"I do not need to know, Mr Uzumaki, why you are wearing what you have chosen to wear. Please sit down and stop disrupting the class. You will speak to me after the lesson." Naruto sighed. Trust him to be late for a lesson with Mr Yamato, one of the strictest teachers in the entire school.

He looked up to see Orochimaru waving him over and smiled.

At least someone was being nice to him.

* * *

Sasuke slumped down at Kiba's usual table in the cafeteria, holding a lukewarm turkey Korma in one hand and his cutlery in the other.

"'Sup," Kiba said, tucking into his own refried meal with incredible gusto. Sasuke grunted. He found it almost impossible to look away when Kiba was eating. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion.

A few minutes later, as he poked cautiously at what might possibly be a piece or turkey or, alternatively, a miniscule dead tramp, Sasuke heard Naruto's voice behind him.

"Heh. Bye Orochimaru! Thanks so much for the jumper!"

Whatever it was, Sasuke spat it out almost immediately, and not just because it tasted awful either.

Naruto sat down with a salad and, at Kiba's confused look, waved his hand at it vaguely. "Forgot to grab any lunch money this morning," he said.

"You're wearing his _jumper_?" Sasuke said, gaping at the blond boy.

"Whose jumper?" Kiba asked, looking up at Sasuke.

Sasuke grabbed a fistful of sleeve, which hung loosely on Naruto's lithe frame. "Orochimaru's jumper!"

Kiba stared at Naruto. "Orochimaru's jumper?"

Naruto nodded. "Orochimaru's jumper."

"Orochimaru's _jumper_," Sasuke groaned, hiding his head in his hands.

Kiba pointed at Orochimaru, who was sitting at another table. "_Orochimaru's _jumper?"

"Okay, everyone stop saying Orochimaru's jumper!" Naruto cried, slamming his fork down.

There was a pause. "But _you _just said-"

"Shut up, Kiba!"

There was another pause. Sasuke rubbed his temples like he was trying to remove them.

"_Why_ are you wearing Oro-"

"No," Naruto said, firmly.

"-_that garment_."

"Because," Naruto said, stabbing a leaf of lettuce with surprising enthusiasm, "It was either this or Hello Kitty."

He didn't elaborate.

"And why was it either that or-"

"Because I woke up late and I didn't have any clean shirts so I had to wear this, alright?" Naruto jammed the lettuce into his mouth and chewed it sourly.

"Sucks to be you," Kiba said and patted Naruto on the shoulder. Naruto deflated.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," he said sadly.

Kiba snorted. "Oh, no need to apologise. Sasuke says worse shit than that all the time and he never goes to the effort."

Sasuke glared at him. Kiba glared back.

Shit, Sasuke thought, he was learning.

"Still, there is one good thing about today," Kiba said cheerfully, turning back to Naruto with a grin.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"His girlfriend is coming over on Saturday. It's not that great."

Kiba stuck his lower lip out and scowled. "Way to ruin my big reveal, douchefag."

"That's great!" Naruto cried energetically, biting into a tomato, "What's her name?"

"Ino," Kiba said before reeling off a large spiel on the wonders of his girlfriend as Naruto listened attentively. Sasuke did his best to drone it out and contented himself with admiring how good that ridiculous baggy jumper looked on Naruto.

Certainly a lot better than it did on Orochimaru; that could be said for definite.

Just as Sasuke was finishing off his last few mouthfuls and it appeared that Kiba had finally exhausted the topic of his girlfriend, Sasuke found a small, printed piece of paper shoved under his nose. It was about A5 and bore the words:

"**SCAVENGER HUNT!!!!**"

Sasuke took the leaflet from the hopeful-looking first year that was handing them round and was just about to throw it away on the basis that he refused to read anything with more than one exclamation mark in the title, when Naruto looked over his shoulder.

"A scavenger hunt! I love those. Read it out!"

Kiba raised an eyebrow at it. "Yeah, but anything organised by the first years is going to be pretty shit, right? I mean," he shrugged casually, "They're first years."

"Don't be silly, Kiba," Naruto said leaning in to stage whisper in his friend's ear, "The first years just hand them out; it's _organised_ by the upper sixth. Firsties aren't even allowed to participate," he rubbed his hands together with glee, "The Upper Sixth Scavenger Hunt is a huge annual event. It's practically a rite of passage!"

Kiba glanced at Sasuke for confirmation. Sasuke shrugged. "I've never heard of it."

"Ye-eah," Naruto jeered, poking Sasuke in the side, "Because it's only for the big kids, ain't it? I only know about it because my big brother used to come here," Naruto's eyes lit up, "You guys will do it with me, right?"

Sasuke looked at the overjoyed expression on Naruto's face, glanced at the leaflet and then looked back up at Naruto's face. He could see Kiba rolling his eyes at him from the corner of his vision. "Okay."

Naruto beamed at him. That made it worth it.

"And you?" Naruto asked, turning to Kiba.

"Will there be alcohol involved?" Kiba asked.

"I think so," Naruto said tentatively, "B-But I don't know for sure!"

"And vandalism? What about vandalism?"

"Um, probably," Naruto said, wincing.

"I suppose there will also be a lot of all round, reprehensible behaviour, huh?"

"Er," Naruto gave in to his honesty, "Yes."

Kiba's face split into a wide grin. "Then I'm so fucking in. Go, team, go!"

Sasuke perused the leaflet as Kiba and Naruto high fived and giggled like a bunch of school girls. He quickly spotted a problem.

"It says here we need a team of four."

Kiba and Naruto stopped. "I suppose we could ask Orochimaru to join," Naruto said, already making a move to stand up.

Sasuke and Kiba shared a glance and Kiba put up a hand to stop Naruto from leaving. "Just a sec, what day is it on, Sasuke?"

Sasuke glanced at the leaflet again. "It starts Saturday afternoon, goes on through the night and ends at eight o'clock Sunday morning. Winners are announced at lunchtime."

Kiba looked back at Naruto, who was still poised mid-stride towards Orochimaru's table. "Ino could join us," he said.

Naruto shot back down like a flash. "Oh, _yeah_," he said, drumming on the table in his excitement, "That would be such an awesome way to get to know her. Would she mind staying until Sunday, though?"

"Don't worry," Kiba said, waving his hand, "She was going to stay overnight anyway."

Naruto snickered and waggled his eyebrows. "Was she now?"

Kiba stared blankly for a moment before he understood. "Oh, what are you? Five?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto burst into a rousing display of maturity.

"Ino and _Kiba_, getting _dirty_. F-U-C-K-I-N-_G_!"

Kiba grabbed the leaflet out of Sasuke's hand and proceeded to beat Naruto over the head with it, causing Naruto to squeal and leap into Sasuke's arms. It was, to say the least, a little uncomfortable and Sasuke tried to ignore the way Kiba glared pointedly at his flushed face and worked on getting Naruto off his lap so that he could breathe normally again.

Obviously eager to pretend nothing had happened, Kiba unrolled the piece of paper and started reading aloud snippets of it.

"Says here that one of your group can be from out of school if you like, which is awesome. Oh, and up here it says you can't compete if you have any freaky illness or shit. Do either of you have any of this?"

He flipped the paper round so they could see the long and slightly worrying list of illnesses incompatible with the tournament. Sasuke hadn't even heard of quite a few of them.

"I'm not feeling so good about this anymore," he said, backing his chair away a little.

Naruto grabbed his thigh under the table, which very promptly cut off his ability to think, and smiled at him. "Don't be silly. It'll be great!"

He nodded dumbly and stared – open-mouthed – at the fingers gripping his trouser leg. "Uh-huh."

Kiba snapped his fingers between them. "Coo-ee, back to earth, please and thank you. Now do either of you have any of this?"

They shook their heads together and Kiba grinned toothily. "Awesome. Now I just need to check it with Ino and we're totally set."

"So how does this," Sasuke resisted the temptation to say "death-trap", "tournament work? How do you win?"

Kiba stared at the leaflet again, scanning the text and – to Sasuke's great amusement but little surprise – mouthing the words as he read them.

"You just get all the stuff on the list and show it to them at the end. You get points for every item you bring in. Plus some extra points for doing it really well."

"Sounds easy enough," Naruto said, obviously a little relieved it was so simple, "What's the prize?"

Kiba read a little further. "They throw you a party in the Sixth Form Building. They've got a massive hall there, apparently."

Naruto gaped. "The Upper Hall? The _Upper Hall_? That thing is huge. It's like- it's just," Naruto waved his arms around in the air as if trying to show them exactly how big it was, "_Huge_! Massive!"

"Very big, Naruto, we understand," Sasuke said, pulling Naruto back into his seat by the hem of his baggy jumper. Orochimaru's baggy jumper, he reminded himself.

Kiba, still absorbed in the leaflet, was biting his lip anxiously. Naruto tapped him on the forehead.

"What is it? Something wrong?"

Kiba looked up with a worried expression on his face. "It says we need a car if we hope to win. Uh, can either of you drive?"

Naruto's face fell. He shook his head and looked at Sasuke hopefully.

Sasuke shook his head in return, as much as that face made him want to say yes.

"I can drive," said a smooth voice from above them. Sasuke scowled. Fucking Orochimaru and his fucking timing.

"You can!" Naruto said, half-rising out of his chair in his excitement, "Oh, but, um, we already have four people in our team."

Orochimaru glanced coolly at Kiba, then a little longer at Sasuke and finally back to Naruto. "Really? I only see three people here."

"Kiba's girlfriend is helping us out," Sasuke spat. Orochimaru turned back to him again and there was one icy moment where their gazes locked. Sasuke felt himself trembling a little under the stare of those dark, black eyes before he reminded himself that he shouldn't be afraid; he should be angry.

He glared.

Orochimaru looked away again and Sasuke noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that Naruto was glancing between them with a severely concerned expression on his face.

"Have you asked her yet? I mean, we only got these a little while ago. You wouldn't have had much time," Orochimaru waved the leaflet airily, the gust it produced ruffling the tips of his over-styled hair.

Kiba, who had been silent for a long time, slowly fished his mobile phone out from under the table. "Just sent the text a minute ago," he pouted sadly at Orochimaru and sucked his teeth, "_So_ sorry."

Orochimaru smiled at him, nodded curtly and walked away without another word. Kiba and Sasuke shared a smug glance.

"So what are we going to do about the car," Naruto asked, sounding a little put out that his new _buddy_ wasn't going to tag along.

"I just remembered that Ino passed her driving test about a month ago. I asked her to bring her dad's car up here when she comes so we can use that, yeah?"

Naruto frowned worriedly. "Will her dad let her?"

Kiba snorted. "She can say she needs the practice or whatever. Her dad would do anything thing for her, alright? As long as we don't scratch it up, it'll be totally fine."

There was a long, slightly panicky silence.

"You don't think we'd actually... you know, scratch it up on this thing, do you? I mean, it sounds... pretty wild."

Naruto clucked his tongue and shook his head. "Is this Kiba Inuzuka I hear, backing out of something because it's _too wild_?"

Kiba's face split into a grin and he whacked Naruto over the head once more, causing him to nearly bombard into Sasuke _again_. "Hey, asshole! I'm not backing out of anything, alright? We're gonna win this, aren't we?"

They fist bumped each other gleefully and then rounded on Sasuke.

He sighed. "Yes, yes. In it to win it and all that drivel."

"That's the spirit, Sassy-poo," Kiba said, grinning.

Sasuke scowled. "Don't call me that."

Kiba and Naruto nattered for a little while about the hunt, theorising and dragging him into the conversation every so often, while Sasuke picked at the remains of his food.

Eventually, something seemed to click in Kiba's tiny brain.

"Hey, Blondie," Sasuke winced, "Why were you so late this morning?"

"Ugh," Naruto groaned, running a hand through his messy, uncombed hair, "I slept through my alarm again. I seriously think I'm going to need to ask for a shared dorm because I can't keep being late, yeah?" Sasuke winced again. Why did Naruto have to pick up such awful habits from Kiba? "At least, if I have someone else in the room with me, they can wake me up if I sleep too late."

"Trust me, mate, it's not worth it. Shared dorms suck ass," Kiba said, jabbing the air – and very nearly Sasuke's arm – with his fork, "And not in the good way, either."

"I've had a single dorm for ages and I've never had any trouble with it," Sasuke said, absentmindedly.

Naruto beamed. "Really? Hey! Maybe we can be dorm buddies, huh? Wouldn't that be _awesome_?"

Yes, Sasuke thought, it would be very "awesome", just not in the way you might imagine. He glanced over at Kiba, who shook his head imperceptibly.

"I don't know, Naruto," he said, because Kiba would never let him hear the end of it if he said yes, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Oh, pleeeeeeease, Sasuke," Naruto whined, "I won't be that bad, I promise."

Sasuke glanced at Kiba, who shrugged and rolled his eyes in an "Oh, fuck it" gesture, which Sasuke took for a yes.

"Alright. If you really want to," Sasuke said.

Naruto squeaked and lunged at him, his arms wrapping around Sasuke's neck and his fuzzy, blond head resting on Sasuke's shoulder. "Thank you," he chirped happily and nuzzled into the crook of Sasuke's neck.

Kiba rolled his eyes again when Sasuke glanced at him and Sasuke took this as a sign that he was permitted to stroke the spiky, golden fluff that was tickling at his chin. He grinned.

This really would be awesome.

* * *

Please review and leave your thoughts as always. I love hearing from you! :)

Next update will be on 5th January. Happy New Year!


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken Naruto the better part of an afternoon to shift all his stuff into Sasuke's room – and Sasuke had insisted they use his room because he was pretty sure he had seen something moving in Naruto's – even with Sasuke and Kiba to help him.

Sorting Naruto's things out from the surprising amounts of litter had been the most difficult part of the process and, after that, the boys crammed the items into boxes – Naruto didn't seem all too fussed if any of his stuff got creased or dirty because, in the state it was in, nothing much would change – and carted it over to Sasuke's room which was in the next dorm block.

Moving Naruto in hadn't taken very long the first time around but, after Sasuke had one look at the clothes on the floor and the mess already piling up in each corner, he'd crammed everything back into the boxes and insisted Naruto do it again. And properly this time too.

That took a bit longer, since Sasuke was unwilling to help as a form of punishment, and Naruto was knackered by the time he flopped onto his bed. All his clothes were arranged – or at least, shoved – neatly into the drawers, his books lay in an orderly pile and his wash things no longer littered the bathroom surfaces like dead bumblebees and were, instead, all in their specified place.

"You're such a neat freak, Sasuke," Naruto moaned half-heartedly, his voice muffled by the pillow that he had buried his face into.

Sasuke hummed in response and turned the page of his book. He could see Naruto struggling to get up out of the corner of his eye for a bit, before the boy evidently gave up and flopped back down. His face was turned to the side now, at least, so Sasuke wouldn't have to worry about him suffocating.

"Are you excited about meeting Ino?" Naruto asked, his fingers tracing absent-minded patterns on the pillow cover.

Sasuke hummed again and settled his back against the headboard.

"Are you excited about the scavenger hunt?"

"Possibly."

"Are you ever excited about anything at all?" Naruto asked, sounding slightly exasperated.

Sasuke looked up from his book to see that Naruto had turned over and was now sprawled across the bed like a lazy cat, his shirt riding up over his toned stomach and the waistband of his jeans slipping down over his hips.

_Yes_, a voice growled inside him. He was pretty sure it hadn't come from his brain.

"No," he said, attempting to ignore the large amount of tanned skin on display to his right and concentrating on his book. He didn't know why; it wasn't a very good book and the tanned skin display was infinitely preferable.

He shook himself. Bad thoughts, no bad thoughts.

There was silence for a bit, as Sasuke read his book – or tried to – and Naruto lay there, staring at the ceiling and fidgeting occasionally. He was very slowly slipping off the bed, Sasuke realised, and that made his jeans slip even lower.

He considered telling Naruto. Then he thought better of it.

He had to have _some_ fun.

Unfortunately, the powers that be thought less of this idea and Naruto sat up, tugging up his jeans as he did so and letting his shirt fall back down. He looked at his wrist watch.

"It's late. I'm going to get some sleep, okay?"

Sasuke grunted in response and flicked his reading light off.

"You don't have to..." Naruto said, ruffling his hair and tugging off his shirt.

Sasuke waved his hand. "It's fine. Like you said, it's late."

Beside him, Naruto unzipped his jeans and kicked off his trainers. Sasuke's book fell to the floor with a soft thud.

He smiled.

* * *

"_Sasuke."_

_Sasuke turned over wearily and opened his eyes. Naruto was leaning over him with a worried frown._

_And no clothes on._

_For some reason, this didn't surprise Sasuke, almost like it was a normal thing. He didn't even feel uncomfortable or embarrassed or ashamed. He could look at Naruto – all of Naruto – and not stutter or blush or need to look away. It was an oddly peaceful experience and it felt natural._

"_Uh-huh?" he said, finally. _

"_Can I come in your bed?"_

_The question was simple and innocent. Sasuke didn't feel like denying it._

"_Sure," he answered, lifting up one side of his duvet. He realised, with a certain detachment, that he was also naked. It was weird, he didn't remember taking off his pyjamas, but he didn't really mind. He didn't really mind about anything. _

_Naruto slipped under the duvet and, surprisingly, decided to slide his hands over Sasuke's chest and wrap his legs around Sasuke's waist. It was an odd thing to do but it made Sasuke feel warm and comfortable, so he didn't object. _

_One of Naruto's hands slid up and around until it clutched at the back of his head, pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. Sasuke could feel Naruto's breath ghosting over his lips, tickling the skin. Their eyes met and Naruto smiled, not his usual sunny grin but something subtler and ... more predatory._

_Naruto's body shifted slightly in his arms, arms that appeared to have wrapped themselves around the other boy without any conscious decision on Sasuke's part. It made their skin brush together and Sasuke shivered, though he wasn't cold. _

_The hand stroking his hair pulled him a little closer and Naruto bent his own head down, until their lips brushed together. Sasuke's eyes fluttered closed, his heartbeat raced and his lips parted eagerly. _

"_No one knows we're here," Naruto whispered. Sasuke didn't understand but he nodded dumbly anyway, which made their lips brush again and sent tingles down his spine._

"_It's just you and me, darling," Naruto continued. Sasuke nodded again, more for the sensation it brought than in actual agreement, and wriggled forward, trying to envelope himself in the other boy's touch. Something in the back of his head scratched at him, though. Something about this felt wrong._

"_And you're grateful, right?" Sasuke nodded, but slower. Thoughts flashed vaguely through his head, trying to explain the nagging doubt that was invading him but Naruto's hands on his skin and Naruto's breath on his face made it difficult to think properly. He frowned._

"_And you won't do it again?" Naruto's voice sounded deeper now and Sasuke felt the other boy's shoulders widen underneath his hands. _

_Something in his head clicked. His eyes snapped open._

_Instead of seeing large, blue eyes staring back at him, Sasuke felt himself drowning in black._

"_Orochimaru," he whispered, before ripping his hands off the other boy's body, kicking at the duvet that seemed to tighten around him and trying to struggle away. Orochimaru clutched at him, his hands seeming to be everywhere at once, like he was a demon dragging him downwards._

_Sasuke tried to scream and reached for something to grab, his flailing arms knocking over mops and bottles of Dettol that he knew shouldn't be in his room. His cries reverberated off the sides of the cleaning closet and bounced back at him, like the walls were mocking him. A mouth closed over his, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. It felt like drowning._

_He tried to wriggle or punch his way out of Orochimaru's grip but the lack of oxygen had rendered him helpless. Colours danced in front of his vision and seared his eyeballs, burning into his brain. _

_A hand reached down and grabbed a zip that hadn't been there before, tugging it down. Sasuke screamed._

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke looked up. Naruto was leaning over him with a worried frown_._

To Sasuke's great elation, he was also wearing clothes.

"You were screaming. I think you were having a nightmare," Naruto said, his hands gripping tightly onto Sasuke's shoulders.

"Oh," Sasuke said, dumbly, "Cool."

Naruto's head tilted.

"Wha-"

"Never mind."

Naruto sighed and let go of his friend, stepping back to slump onto his own bed before snatching the alarm clock.

"It's quarter past midnight," he said, rubbing at his eyes sleepily, "We don't need to be up for another, what, eight hours? We should go back to sleep."

Sasuke harrumphed and rolled over, trying to put the bad dream very firmly out of his head. There was silence for a bit.

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto said, tentatively, "How do you, I mean, how would you know..." Sasuke turned around.

"Yes?"

Naruto bit his lip, took one look at Sasuke and seemed to change his tack. "You and Orochimaru don't like each other do you?"

"No," Sasuke said, firmly, "But that's not what you were going to ask me."

"It might have been," Naruto grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the darkness. He wasn't going to get anything more from the other boy.

"Whatever, Naruto, I'm going back to sleep."

"Mmkay."

* * *

"Morning, sunshine!"

Sasuke groaned and cracked open one eye. Naruto's face was directly above his.

And he was smiling. The bastard.

He rolled over, pulled the pillow out from under him and shoved it down over his head to block out the light streaming in from the window. Naruto snatched it away from him and rolled him back over with a fierce prod from his knee. Sasuke held up a hand against the light, blinking blearily.

"Why are you so happy?" he wailed, clutching at his duvet as Naruto tried to grab it, "Why are you so awake?"

"Because, unlike someone I know, I didn't go having nightmares all night, did I?" Naruto said, finally managing to wrench the duvet, Sasuke's only protection from the evil chill of morning, out of Sasuke's grip.

"You make it sound like I did it on purpose!" Sasuke said, making a lunge for the duvet, yanking on it hard and pulling both the duvet – and Naruto – down on top of him. Naruto's sudden weight on top of him squeezed the air out of his lungs and reminded him, uncomfortably, of last night's nightmare. He wriggled out from under the other boy and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

His foot landed on something softer than the floor. He looked down.

"Why are your underpants on the floor?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

Naruto shifted his head over the side of the bed to have a look, wriggling on his stomach like a large, unwieldy snake. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I think you'll find those are yours," he said, a tad unconvincingly.

Sasuke stared at him. "I don't have," he said, picking them up between a thumb and forefinger, "Any pants with foxes on them, Naruto," The pants twisted round in the slight breeze coming from the open window, "Nor do any of my pants say "foxy" in capitals on the back."

Naruto shrugged. "I like foxes."

"Evidently."

"Hehe, anyway," Naruto said, keen to change the subject, "Kiba just texted me to say Ino is arriving in one hour to start preparing for the hunt."

Sasuke glanced at the clock. "It's nine in the morning."

"I know."

"Oh god," Sasuke said, clutching at his forehead, "She's going to be exactly like Kiba, isn't she?"

"Probably worse," Naruto said, grinning, "Now get dressed; you don't want Ino seeing you in your jammies." He walked over to the chest of drawers and started rummaging around for clothes.

Sasuke groaned again and Naruto threw his jeans at him. "Shush," Naruto said, fishing his own jeans out of the drawer, "Less bitching, more dressing."

Sasuke sighed and stood up, pulling off his pyjama bottoms and going to fetch a pair of underpants out of the drawer. He tried to ignore the fact that this meant he was standing next to Naruto with no pants on; it would just do weird things to him.

He found a pair of black boxers, tugged them on and then tried to put on his jeans, hopping and dancing and eventually falling back onto his bed. He sighed.

"Oh Jesus," Naruto said, putting his hands on his hips, "Don't be such a pussy, Sasuke, and put your jeans on."

Sasuke scowled. "Shut up. You don't understand my pain, asshole."

Naruto grabbed the kettle and rattled it at Sasuke's face. "Get dressed and I'll make you some coffee."

"I love you. You're amazing."

Naruto nodded and started filling up the kettle. "Thought so."

Within five minutes Sasuke was dressed, albeit a little haphazardly, and nursing a cup of coffee. He managed to pass the time chatting with Naruto as the other boy did some leftover homework and, soon enough, an elated Kiba burst through the door so hard it rebounded off the wall and slammed shut behind him.

The door burst open, hit the wall and slammed shut again, admitting a short girl with straight, blonde hair.

"You're gonna dent the wall," Sasuke grumbled into his coffee. Naruto leapt up.

"Guys, hi!" He lunged at both of them, wrapping an arm round each of their shoulders. The girl's eyes widened for a moment before she smiled and patted him on the back.

Naruto let them go eventually and they rounded on Sasuke.

"Hello," he said, raising his hand in greeting and letting fall back onto the table with a thump, "I'm Sasuke."

"He's sleepy," Naruto said, in answer to a raised eyebrow from both Kiba and Ino. Sasuke's head slowly descended onto the table, "Really sleepy."

"You been keeping him up with all your mad, gay sex?" Inof asked, prodding Naruto in the side.

Sasuke's head shot up. "I didn't do nothing!"

"Baby," Kiba said, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders, "Sasuke's actually gay. You can't make gay jokes around him."

"No?"

Kiba shook his head. "No."

"Bummer."

"So," Naruto said, obviously feeling a little awkward, "You all ready for the hunt?"

"Yup," Ino said, shoving a hand into her pocket and withdrawing various items, "I've got my car keys, a sharpie, a camera-phone, some money and a packet of Solpadine."

"Solpadine?" Naruto asked, looking at the packet a little warily.

"A hangover cure. For the morning after."

Sasuke rubbed his eyes furiously and yawned. "We'll need a hangover cure?"

Ino scoffed. "Well, yeah, almost all scavenger hunts have alcohol involved somehow."

Sasuke glared at Kiba. "I was not informed of this."

"I didn't know until she told me today," Kiba said, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging.

"Yes, you-"

"Hehe, baby," Kiba said, clamping a hand over his girlfriend's mouth, "Let's go fetch your stuff out of the car, okay?"

Ino raised an eyebrow at him but then shrugged and pushed the hand away, turning to walk out the door. "Be back in a sec, aight?" she called, waving a hand at Naruto, "Try not to have too much crazy, monkey sex while we're out of the room, babe; Sassy-poo over there doesn't look like he can handle it."

"Baby, I said no gay jokes!" Kiba said, running out the door after her.

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Close it," Sasuke said, once he was sure they were gone, his head sliding back onto the table, "And lock it. And never let them in ever again."

"Oh, don't be so grumpy," Naruto said, tousling his hair affectionately, "Drink your coffee and brush your teeth or whatever. Leaflet says we're officially allowed to begin the hunt in..." Naruto checked his watch, "Half an hour and we want to get a head start on the other groups. You need to be ready."

Sasuke groaned. "I hate that fucking leaflet."

"It loves you too."

There was a loud knock on the door. Naruto went to answer.

"Tell them to go away and never come back!"

"Don't be silly," Naruto said, looking through the peep hole, "It's not even Kiba and Ino anyway."

Naruto pulled open the door and was greeted by an upper sixth-former, brandishing a piece of paper and bullhorn, which he blew in Naruto's face.

There was a weak groan from Sasuke and a muffled "I hope you die."

"Here's your list for the hunt, scavengers!" the sixth-former said, blowing the bullhorn again for good measure.

"Uh, how did you know we were entering?" Naruto said, taking the paper.

"I don't know. One of your team must have signed you up yesterday on the board." The sixth-former blew the horn a final time and raced off to bother someone else.

"Kiba," Sasuke growled, "Damn his eyes."

Naruto shut the door, walked slowly back to the table and sat down, reading through the list. His eyebrows rose progressively higher as he read on.

"Some of this stuff is kind of racy," he said, turning the paper over to read the other side, "Worst porno ever? Picture of a team member diving off the high board naked?"

Sasuke shrugged. "They're uppers. What did you expect?"

Naruto laughed and scratched his head. "Yeah, I suppose so. Still, I have no idea how we're going to get some of this stuff."

"I'm sure Kiba will know," Sasuke said, taking another sip of his coffee, "It all sounds right up his street."

Naruto ignored the comment and read on. "Picture of entire team naked in fountain? A lot of these involve being naked."

"That's uppers for you, I guess."

"Picture of two team members kissing," Naruto said, reaching behind him and grabbing a piece of bread from the counter.

"I'm sure Kiba and Ino can take care of that," Sasuke said, taking another sip of his coffee.

Kiba and Ino took this as the perfect opportunity to burst back into the room though, to Sasuke's relief, they opted not to do the whole bang door open and shut routine again. They dragged one of those wheely suitcases behind them and were obviously already theorising about what the hunt might hold in store for them.

"Neh, we need a picture of two team members kissing, guys. Think you can take care of that?" Naruto said, waving the piece of paper idly.

Ino took a glance at the piece of paper, read down to the part Naruto was talking about and shook her head.

"Nope."

Kiba shot Naruto a very worried glanced and sidled up to his girlfriend. "Hey, baby. This wouldn't be because of that thing with the..." Kiba said, leaning in to whisper the last part in her ear. She whacked his face, which obviously seemed to be a no because Kiba retreated happily.

"No, it's just you get more points if it's two people of the same gender."

Sasuke promptly and calmly spat out the sip of coffee he had just taken onto the table. "What."

"Hey, hey!" Ino said, appearing to look at him for the first time since she had entered the room, "You're gay and that. Make some kissyface with Naruto while I take a picture, okay?" She whipped out her phone, flicked the screen out and held it up to them, "Aaaaaaand, go!"

Naruto stared at her. Sasuke's eyelid twitched.

"What."

"C'mon, c'mon. Suck face already," Ino said tapping her foot impatiently. It may have just been Sasuke's imagination but she seemed to be quite pleased about this turn of events. He didn't know what had made him think it. Perhaps it was the slightly manic grin or that special gleam in her eye.

He shivered. She was one of _those_ girls.

Naruto mumbled some vague kind of excuse that no one really heard, a severely horrified grimace stuck on his face. Sasuke's fists clenched.

"Hop to it, you guys. It's just a kiss," Ino said. She peeked out from behind her camera phone and raised a delicate eyebrow, "Or is it something more to you two?"

Naruto grimaced and edged awkwardly towards Sasuke, like he was being asked to step off a cliff. "No," he squeaked finally.

Sasuke stood up. Despite himself, he was a tiny, teeny bit eager. Naruto seemed to be having some difficulty moving his legs so he pushed back his chair and walked round to him, Ino's camera following him avidly as he went.

It was just a kiss, anyway, and it was for the hunt. Not for him at all. He probably wouldn't even enjoy it that much.

Probably.

Naruto had managed to turn round to face him, despite the momentary paralysis he was facing, and Sasuke could see his face was flushed. A little memory trickled through Sasuke's brain.

According to Orochimaru, Naruto was most certainly in the closet. Which meant maybe he would enjoy it too. Which meant, maybe, this could be the start of something really, really...

He didn't know. He'd be able to think of an appropriate word later when his heart wasn't racing so hard.

This wasn't for him, he reminded himself, as his stomach started to feel fluttery and his palms started sweating. The walk round to Naruto seemed to take an age and he was nervous to rush it, in case that meant the moment vanished. This would, he realised, be one very good way of checking if Orochimaru was right.

Naruto gulped and titled his head up a little, taking Sasuke's shoulders in his hands. Sasuke could see, out of the corner of his eye, Ino's smile creeping slowly wider and Kiba positively fuming beside her. Sasuke closed his eyes and put his hands on either side of Naruto's face so he could guide their lips together.

"Don't block the action," he heard Ino whisper. He dropped his hands down to Naruto's shoulders and leaned in, as slowly as he could, wanting to prolong this amazing, amazing moment. Naruto shivered a little under his palms and then-

It happened very quickly and Sasuke liked to think, later, that it hadn't happened at all.

Kiba's fuse, in that very instant, finally snapped. He strode forward purposefully, propelled by homophobia and a strong protective streak, elbowed Naruto out of the way, took Sasuke's face in his hands and smashed their lips together like a pair of cymbals.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open and he froze with his hands still grabbing shoulders that weren't there anymore in front of him. Kiba appeared to have frozen too and they stood there awkwardly, still joined at the lips. Naruto was steadying himself on the table from when Kiba had pushed him, an aghast expression on his face, and Ino was... Ino was unreadable.

In the silence, everyone heard the distinctive click of a camera phone.

"That's quite enough, boys," Ino said, curtly, snapping her phone shut, "You can put each other down now."

The separation was slow at first as the ice of trauma thawed gently on both boys' brains. It sped up like an avalanche, however, and soon they both raced for the kitchen sink. Sasuke got there first and Kiba turned on his heel and rushed off to the bathroom, spluttering and spitting as he went.

"You can stop washing your mouth out now, Sasuke," Naruto said, five minutes later, leaning on the counter next to the sink.

Sasuke turned his head, hair dripping with water, to peer at Naruto through his lashes. "No," he growled, "It will never be clean."

With a snap, he turned round, flicking Naruto with water, and shouted in the direction of the bathroom. "And you think I'm the gay one, huh?"

"I felt tongue!" Came the shrieked reply, "Actual tongue, you pervert!"

Sasuke sneered, shivered and went back to gargling tap water. Naruto shook with laughter and buried his head in his hands.

* * *

Though it took much coaxing, pleading and threatening on the part of both Naruto and Ino, Sasuke and Kiba were finally forced into the same car together so that the scavenger hunt could begin.

Ino picked up the list and cleared her throat with an official air. "I'll read all this stuff out and you tell me what you already have, alright?"

Sasuke and Kiba grunted and tried to shift away from each other, both still dripping with water and shivering occasionally.

"Okay," Naruto said, settling himself into the passenger seat beside Ino.

"Why can't I sit in the front?" Kiba said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and wriggling uncomfortably in his seat, "I don't want to sit next to the pervert!"

"Shut up, Kiba," Ino said, leaning around the seat to smack his knee, "You'll do what you're told. Right. A potted plant. A-"

"Got it," Sasuke said.

Kiba mouthed "fag" at him and Ino whacked him again. "Stop it, Kiba."

"A police badge. A stop sign."

"Where can you get one of those?" Naruto said, his brow furrowing anxiously.

"There's one on the corner, Blondie. If we get there fast we can have that one," Ino said, eyes still on the list.

Naruto's forehead crinkled further. "Isn't that stealing?" he asked, glancing quickly at the two boys in the back for confirmation, "That's stealing, isn't it?"

Kiba leaned over the seat and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't think of it as stealing, Blondie. Think of it as liberating the streets."

Naruto bit his lip. "Well, what about the police badge? Are we really going to have to steal that from a police officer?"

"It'll be like we're giving them a day off," Kiba said, grinning and settling back into his seat. Naruto didn't look all too reassured.

"I'm not sure he'll see it like that, Kiba," Naruto said, moving tentatively towards an official Moral Objection.

"Assuming the police officer will be male is sexism, Naruto," Ino said, fighting indignation with her own half-hearted indignation, "Now be quiet."

Naruto nodded and apologised quietly.

"A can of Dutch beer."

"Got that," Kiba said, raising his hand.

"An X-box controller."

The hand didn't fall.

"The worst "Men's" magazine ever."

The hand still remained pointing upwards, though this time Kiba looked a little embarrassed about it. Ino fixed her boyfriend with a particularly penetrating stare.

"I get lonely when you're away," Kiba said, feebly.

"I see," Ino said icily, "Why don't I just hand this sheet around and you guys tick off what you have?" She pulled a pen out of her pocket, went through the list briefly and handed it to Naruto, who didn't seem to have much either.

"Pair of underpants with an animal on it!" he said triumphantly once he had found something to contribute, "In your face, Sasuke."

"In your mother's face."

There was a long pause and Kiba shook his head sadly.

"Too far, Sasuke, too far."

"I hate you all."

It was Kiba's turn next who, apart from his beer, his controller and his porn, only had three items to contribute.

At last, it was handed to Sasuke. He scanned it quickly – raising his eyebrow frequently, gagging at least twice and getting a little fidgety when he realised how often he and Naruto would have to _simultaneously_ pose naked for photos.

_Naked. At the same time._

Once that mental image was stored away for later, he went through the list again and ticked off what he had to contribute, including the potted plant.

Five or so minutes later, the whole group was busy wrenching the stop sign off the metal post at the corner, while Naruto looked on and bleated unhappily.

"I don't think this is right," he whined, biting his fingernails anxiously and glancing round.

"Shut up, Blondie. We're going to win this."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed it. Please review as always to tell me what you think.

I go back to school tomorrow so I really don't know when the next update will be. u___u

(Edited to fix spelling mistake.)

(Edited again because I wrote brown instead of blonde. Wtf self?!)

(OMG I'm so sorry. My friend wanted to read it before her Italian class and she made me rush so I missed all these mistakes. ;_; Please forgive me?)


	7. Side Story

None of this has any relevance to the plot whatsoever. If you don't want to read my brain splurge, feel free to skip this side story and just know that my School Daze muse has shuddered back into the land of the living and there will most likely be an update soon, I hope. All of this is purely me being silly and the only reason I posted it is in the off chance that some of you might enjoy reading it.

Below is a quick explanation of the thought processes that led to this cracky side story-like thing.

Nazihra: This story is dead but I can't leave it hanging because that would be awful. I should write a quick, ending chapter to round everything off in the simplest way possible. Then people will be less upset to hear this story is over.

Brain: No, that's far too logical. You should write a really long chapter about you arguing with the characters about what to put in the quick ending chapter that you're actually not going to write. Also, Hidan should be in it.

Nazihra: Why Hidan?

Brain: Because he's awesome.

Nazihra: Great idea, brain! High-five!

Nazihra's Parents: …Why is she slapping herself on the head?

Nazihra: *writes*

Muse: Oh God, this is so dumb. I have to stop her from posting this. *revives*

Inspiration: *strikes*

Nazihra: Ooh, shiny ideas. *posts this anyway*

Suck it, Muse.

So, anyway, this is that horrendous thing that I wrote. A good tip, by the way, for anyone looking to get their fanfic mojo back: write something so stupid your muse conspires against you just to get you to stop writing it. Plus, it's fun!

Also this chapter finally has some actual KibaSasu for you poodles. Enjoy!

* * *

"So," Nazihra said, folding her arms in front of her. She was in her own mind, a realm of infinite possibility represented by nothing at all and annoyed about it. "Hmm, a beanbag would be nice."

A beanbag appeared.

"Awesome," she said, sinking down into it and then repeated, "So," again because it bought her some time to think of what to say.

"You have a problem," Sasuke said, giving her his typical "fuck you" glare.

"No, I have a beanbag. _We_ have a problem."

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something annoying and stupid so Nazihra casually mentioned how great it would be if some duct tape appeared over his mouth.

"Mmfghr," he retorted, angrily.

Naruto glanced over at Sasuke, seemed to consider helping him out but then decided that being a good friend was not worth facing Nazihra's crazy. "We've hit a dead end," he said, frowning, "And I haven't even got to do anything cool yet!"

"Yeah, I second that," Kiba said from his perch on the edge of the beanbag because that's what you get if you're a good boy, Sasuke, you get to sit down. Ino nodded in agreement and Orochimaru did something, you know, creepy or whatever, while Sasuke tried to chew his way through the duct tape.

"Hmm, so you're saying I need to draw this thing to a quick resolution in one chapter, preferably with boy-on-boy loving times thrown in. I see." Nazihra steepled her fingers and thought about it. Yes, a cracky end chapter would do it. With unicorns and lasers and pirates.

"No one said anything about-" Ino began before Kiba cut her off with a resigned wave of his hand.

"Ugh, don't even try. She's gone off on one of her tangents again. She won't listen to a word any of us say."

"Now, that's just not true," Nazihra said, hurt. She'd gone off her "laser pirates on unicorns showdown" idea anyway, "Come on, Kiba. You can't turn on me, you're my favourite. How do you think I should end this?"

"Well," Kiba said, stroking his chin. The room went all swirly like when someone has a flashback in a crappy seventies movie. "I think it should go a little something like this…"

~*~Look! A scene change!~*~

Kiba stood on the school roof in the morning light and revelled in the chaos around him. For he was a sexy, virile man and sexy, virile men thrive on chaos and disorder like a fish thrives in water. Sasuke was being creepy around Blondie again and Orochimaru was being a bastard and then Orochimaru started being an bastard about Sasuke being creepy and Sasuke started being creepy about Orochimaru being an bastard. Overall, it was pandemonium.

"Stop, guys!" he said, holding out one muscular arm. Some hot chicks swooned in the background and Ino ripped off her shirt.

"Take me now!" she cried, "You sexy, sexy man!"

"You got forgot virile," he said, smiling at her in a sexy and virile way that made her heart melt for him, "And not right now. I have to sort this mess out first."

"I'm a nice guy really but I'm attracted to Blondie and, for some reason, that makes me act like a pervert a lot," Sasuke said, eyes glued to Blondie's crotch as he licked his lips very creepily.

"No," Kiba explained, "What you really want is a platonic relationship with Blondie. You're not attracted to him at all and that means you can stop being creepy."

"I'm not?"

"You're not," Kiba said, "You're actually attracted to that guy." He pointed to a guy also standing on the roof for some reason. He was the guy from French, you know? With the weird hair like a girl? He's gay, right? Yeah, probably. Oh, I think his name is Neji or something. Yeah, that's it. So Neji was standing on the roof being all gay for Sasuke and Sasuke realised that he was totally in love with Neji and they went off to make out somewhere Kiba couldn't see it and that was awesome.

Also, Ino started making out with the one of the hot girls because yes.

Then he turned to Orochimaru and insulted him in the most awesome and clever ways ever imagined and, once the rant was over with, everyone was speechless at his wit and Orochimaru laid down on the ground and begged for his forgiveness for being such a self-obsessed doucher. "How can I ever repent for my snobby behaviour?" Orochimaru cried, licking Kiba's shoes.

"You must move schools because your presence upsets my now non-creepy friend," Kiba said in a manly, sexy, virile way. Orochimaru agreed and went away forever and that was also awesome.

Then he turned to Naruto except Naruto is totally cool the way he is so they just high-fived. Naruto made out with the hot girls while Kiba and Ino ran off to have some fun times in their dorm room and Kiba's shitty roommates did not mind at all. Also, they were now hot girls and that was awesome.

"I love you, Kiba, you virile and sexy man!" Ino shouted. She shouted it so loud that all the people on Kiba's floor heard and felt super bad for not believing that he had a hot girlfriend, yeah, take that you fuckers.

"You forgot manly," Kiba told her and then they made out some more. His hot girl roommates cheered.

And everything was awesome forever.

THE END.

~*~This transition is also awesome~*~

"Huh," Nazihra said, as Kiba beamed at everyone. She poofed in some ropes to hold Ino and stop her from killing him, added another layer of duct tape because Sasuke was getting loud and, finally, shook her head, "No, that won't do, I'm afraid. Not at all."

Kiba's face fell and the eyebrow Orochimaru had raised about two seconds into Kiba's proposed ending scene was lowered at last. Naruto appeared to have frozen at some point so Nazihra decided to erase his memory of the event because a traumatised main character would not do. Also, she already had one.

Sasuke struggled some more and glared. "Ghrrnloo," he spat.

So she wiped Naruto's recollection of the scene with a flick of her wrist. "Woah," he said, "What just happened? My head feels funny."

"You know," Ino said, cocking one hip as well as she could when restrained by magical author ropes, "Some people would say you're a Mary Sue now. What with the self-insertion and the magic powers and the you being always right about everything, you wonderful writer person." She blinked. "Hey, I didn't mean to say that last part. Stop messing with my head!"

"I appreciate the compliment and, as for the rest of it, well, it's just a good thing some people aren't here, isn't it?" She grinned and settled down to choose who should present their idea next.

"Orochimaru, you look like you're itching to say something and you haven't pissed me off just yet."

"I'd like to say what we just witnessed was the epitome of everything moronic and wrong in the world," he drawled. Kiba stuck his tongue out at him.

"Yes-"

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Kiba, or I'll revoke your beanbag privileges. Now, what's your idea, Rochichi?"

Orochimaru scowled at the nickname but the way the air went swirly soon afterwards showed he hadn't minded it that much and I should totally start using it in the narrative.

~*~My transition brings all the boys to the yard~*~

Orochimaru leant back in the plush leather chair in his bedroom - not the awful dormitory one at school but his nice, opulent room at home. Before him, Sasuke gulped and fidgeted slightly, eyes downcast. "O-Orochimaru, I came here because I need to tell you- I need to tell you that I still-"

Orochimaru raised a finger to his lips and shushed him. Then he leaned forward in his chair, grabbed Sasuke's wrist and pulled him down onto his lap. Sasuke straddled him eagerly and Orochimaru chuckled as shuddering fingers knotted in his hair and the boy before him gasped, back arched, under his gentle ministrations. When his kisses turned to the curve where Sasuke's neck met his shoulder and again when the kisses turned to sharp, sucking bites, he felt the other boy's hips buck hard into his.

He slid one of hands down from the small of Sasuke's back to grasp at the seat of his lover's pants, stilling his frantic movement. "Easy, Sasuke," he said, sliding his lips up along Sasuke's jawline to purr the words in his ear, "We've got plenty of time for that." His long fingers creeped into the space between Sasuke's legs and then no amount of restraining him on Orochimaru's side would stop those hips from rocking against his body.

"Orochimaru," Sasuke sighed, pawing at the front of his boyfriend's shirt, "Orochimaru, please."

Orochimaru smiled at the yearning in his voice and began to stroke in maddening circles with the fingers currently so occupying Sasuke's attention. "Yes, darling? Please what?"

"P-please," Sasuke stuttered, at last taking enough control of his fingers to begin undoing the buttons on Orochimaru's white shirt, "I need- I want you to," he moaned in pleasure as skilful fingers found a particularly sensitive spot and buried his face in the crook of Orochimaru's neck, "Please," he whispered again before a final, harsh shudder rocked him and he sagged against the body beneath him.

Orochimaru wrapped his arms around the boy almost melded against his bare chest and smiled in satisfaction when a shaking hand reached for the crotch of his dark trousers. "That won't be necessary, dear," he said, plucking the rogue hand and planting a kiss to the palm.

Sasuke blinked up at him in adorable confusion. "But you didn't get t-to... finish."

"Like I said," Orochimaru replied, rocking forwards so that Sasuke straightened up and then leaning back again to observe him, "We have plenty of time for that later. I think we should talk now."

What he wanted to do first, however, was to really look at the boy sat on his lap, his legs spread on either side of Orochimaru's own and a faint flush across his pale cheeks, without being glared at or berrated or insulted by a boy that, by all rights, should be at his feet, his, begging to be taken. There was none of that nonsense now, thankfully, and the look in Sasuke's eyes was all adoration, as it used to be, as it should be.

"I-if this is about what I said," Sasuke started, eyebrows furrowing in concern and his hands clutching at the fabric of the shirt framing his lover's chest, "I d-didn't mean it, you know I would never- I just- I-"

Orochimaru cupped the boy's chin in one hand and rested his thumb against pale lips, intending to silence him. To his contented surprise, Sasuke instead drew the digit into his own mouth and sucked, eyes fixed on Orochimaru throughout the exercise. This, he knew, was an action intended purely for his enjoyment and he rewarded Sasuke by drawing him close to his chest once more and allowing him to entirely remove the shirt hanging from his shoulders. Sasuke rubbed his cheek against the bare chest before him like an affectionate cat and now it was Orochimaru's turn to burrow pale fingers in that inky black hair. The temptation to push that head downwards, to seek more pleasure for himself, was nearly overbearing but he resisted it in favour of making sure all past conflicts were resolved first.

"It's not about what you said, my dear," he purred, stroking the dark hair beneath his chin with an idle hand, "It's about what you did, what you felt."

Sasuke glanced up at him, confused, momentarily stilling his caresses. "Naruto," Orochimaru hissed, by way of explanation and grinned when Sasuke jolted at the sound of the name.

"No," he said, shaking his head, his voice taking on a pleading tone as he pressed himself even closer to his lover's body, "I don't- I never felt anything for him. I was just- I just wanted to- to make sure you still cared- I wouldn't- no. Please believe me, I wouldn't have ever... I-I love you."

"Mmm," Orochimaru hummed, rubbing soothing circles over the boy's trembling back, "I understand," his voice dropped to a whisper and he leaned down to speak once more in Sasuke's ear, "And I love you too."

Sasuke's face split into an ecstatic grin and he wriggled happily in Orochimaru's embrace, staring up at the man he so adored in admiration and delight. Orochimaru would have been contented to leave it at that and return to more enjoyable matters but there was one more spanner in the works that needed to be discarded.

"And Kiba," he said, "That... chav you so like?"

His boyfriend giggled contemptuously at the idea and straightened up so that their faces were level and, Orochimaru smirked to himself, touching. "Oh, I never liked him," Sasuke said, the words making their lips brush together in a tantalising way, and then lowered his gaze coyly to his fingers, which were tracing the lines of his lover's hips, "That was only to provoke a reaction from you." Those dark eyes rose again to Orochimaru's face, this time heavy-lidded with anticipation, and he added, "It seems like everything I've done lately has been for your benefit."

A shared grin between them. "That's how it should be," Orochimaru said, "If you ask me."

Sasuke didn't reply, merely closed the gap between them with a saucy grin and trailed his eager hands underneath the waistband of Orochimaru's trousers to grasp hold of his-

~*~I see you, baby, shaking that sudden, unexpected transition~*~

"Rochichi," Nazihra snapped, "You've been a character in this story for a good while now, so I figure you must have a good idea of how I work."

At this point, several other characters in the mind room whatever thing tried to speak up and share their own thoughts on the scene but, since their opinions were not nearly as crucial as her own, Nazihra zipped most of their mouths shut with a wave of her hand and added a third strip of duct tape to Sasuke's irate face.

Orochimaru glanced at Sasuke - who looked like he was so angry he could spontaneously turn into a werewolf - at Kiba - who was flip-flopping wildly between disbelief, disgust, anger and a mix of all three - at Naruto - who was traumatised again, goddamnit - at Ino - who was curiously flushed and flapping a hand in front of her face while also feigning anger for her boyfriend's sake - and then finally back to the author. The author looked pissed.

"Yes?" he ventured, trying to put on his best "who me?" face. It didn't work.

"Then you should know that I draw a line as to how smutty this thing will go. A solid, straight line, not dashed and not squiggly. It's very clear." Orochimaru didn't say anything she was prepared to listen to, so she went on. "And, you must know that I'm pretty lenient about it. I let you lot go up close to the line, buy the line drinks and then take the line home and do strange and kinky things to it, while you reassure it that you're only filming this for personal use, promise, and that the tape won't even go anywhere near the internet."

"That is a very curious analogy for someone not prepared to write sex scenes," Orochimaru said because he's a smartarse like that. Nazihra ignored him.

"But you, Rochichiru, today you attempted to cross that line and I am not happy with you. My mind feels like it needs a shower," Orochimaru drawled something about not knowing where the line was drawn and Nazihra scowled and duct-taped him because ha. "Omarurochichicharu," she said sternly, ignoring the way he scowled at his new and totally awesome nickname, "Ignorance is not an excuse but, for future reference, if I have to write a synonym for wing-wang, you have gone too far."

Orochimaru's eyebrow rose. "Wing-wang?" it asked, "Really?" and so Nazihra duct-taped his eyebrows too because there was no way in hell she would let herself be sassed by facial hair.

After that the room was far too quiet for her, so everybody but Orochimaru and Sasuke was allowed to speak. Naruto just kind of gibbered blankly for a bit so she wiped his mind again, cursing how easy to traumatise the boy was. Ino stuttered something about her boyfriend not being a chav and, oh, that wasn't at all a good ending, I mean, really, cough cough ahem. Kiba was less subdued.

"You!" he said, standing up and pointing a shaking finger in Orochimaru's face, "You are- that was despicable. And you are a bad person. And freakmate would not do that because he hates you and I hate you and everybody hates you because you are a bad person and that was really gross."

"Hey," Naruto said, frowning at his friend, "What are you telling him off for? He didn't do anything!"

"Shut up, Naruto, I'm trying to shout at someone!" Kiba yelled and Ino took Naruto by the hand, sat him down on the beanbag and told him to be quiet in a gentler way.

"And!" Kiba continued, "And! I am Sasuke's friend! Whether you like it or not! And I'm not a chav just because I come from a lower-class background, I'm a pikey! And- and you are far worse than I am even though you are rich and stuff and you are bad person and I hate you and that was bad."

At this Kiba seemed to have exhausted his thoughts on the matter, though he was prepared to continue anyway, so Nazihra waved a hand for him to stop and gave him his very own beanbag for the effort. He sank down into it, panting from the exertion of shouting inanely at Orochimaru, pulled Ino down onto his lap and clung to her sourly like an angry two-year-old with a teddy bear. Naruto sat on the edge of Nazihra's own beanbag, extremely confused and a little hurt that his friends just couldn't seem to get on with each other and looked about to intervene when Nazihra did the kind thing and whacked him in the face.

Okay, maybe not the kind thing but the necessary one anyway. Well... it felt right, whatever it was.

"So whose turn is it now?" she asked, before any more shouting and such could occur. All eyes turned to Sasuke, who was clawing at the duct tape over his mouth and glaring furiously at just about everyone. Nazihra roped his hands together behind his back and turned to Kiba's beanbag. "Ino," she said, "Hit me with your best shot."

"Nah, I don't know enough about whatever is going on between this lot to speculate," she said, "I keep asking him," she jerked a thumb at her boyfriend, still curled around her and pouting into her back, "But he always gets super angry and rants about perverts and rich people until I manage to shut him up."

Precisely, Nazihra said, deciding she didn't even need speech marks because she was just that awesome, That's why you're in the best position to decide things. You can be objective.

"You know that's going to get really confusing for the readers," Naruto said and then Ino made the room go swirly before Nazihra could hit him and before he could break the fourth wall anymore.

~*~Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a transition~*~

Ino laid back on her silk sheets covered in rose petals, straightened her mink coat studded with diamonds - the one that made her look like that supermodel that everyone loves - and opened her mouth so that Julio, her sexy Spanish manservant, could feed her another gold-plated chocolate truffle.

"Can we at least pretend to keep this relevant, please?" Nazihra asked as she flopped down on the end of four-poster bed, scattering pearls and rose petals and adoring men everywhere, "I've already had to sit through one person's bedroom fantasy and, trust me, it's not as fun for us as it is for you."

"What are you doing in my ending scene!" Ino shrieked, sitting up like a shot and pulling her mink coat around her.

Nazihra shrugged. "I dunno, I got bored of sitting around watching, I guess and- Ooh, truffles!"

"Well, get out! You didn't butt into anyone else's."

"That's different," Nazihra mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate, "We're both girls."

Ino buried her head in her hands. "That doesn't even make sense," she wailed.

"This is fanfiction, honey. It doesn't have to."

Ino harrumphed and waved Julio away. "Fine but I'm not doing this anymore. This scene is officially over." Then she made this slicing motion with her hand like she expected that to do anything and Nazihra laughed her ass off.

"Fuck off," Ino said.

"You can't just end it there," Nazihra explained, answering the question Ino hadn't asked but should have done, goddamnit, "You've got to come to some kind of resolution. That's the whole point."

Ino sighed because, christfuck, this was annoying and decided she might as well. Naruto and Sasuke and Kiba and Orochimaru came in and talked about their problems like reasonable people, allowing them to work out their issues with each other and find a solution that could satisfy at least most of them.

"More detailed than that," Nazihra said like a bitch because she is a bitch and none of the rest of them had to put up with this shit in their scenes. "That's because they did it properly," Nazihra added.

Okay so Orochimaru has this weird creepy thing for Sasuke, or at least that's what it looked like from his scene, so everyone talked him into getting some therapy because that did not look healthy to me, I swear. Um and Sasuke wants to bone-

"No," Nazihra said, interrupting the narrative and breaking the fourth wall like woah, "I don't want to have to wipe his memory anymore. I think it might have started to have some kind of permanent effect on him."

Ino shrugged.

So Sasuke wanted to be really close friends with Naruto in a super platonic way and so they did that and Kiba stopped being an asshat and realised that was fine with him. Oh, and he bought Ino some nice flowers because he really doesn't ever do anything like that and there are a lot of boys out there who would appreciate a girl like me, okay, so maybe you should take the time to show you care once in a while. I mean, it's not like I want him to be freaking Romeo but even some cheap dandelions from the gas station would do. Just to show he thinks about me when I'm not around in a way that's not sex because, you know, I want to go somewhere with this relationship and-

"This is an ending scene, woman, not your diary," Nazihra said and then sighed, "Whatever. I'm calling this a wrap."

~*~What's love but a second-hand transition?~*~

Nazihra slumped back on her beanbag and wondered about who to ask now. She'd considered Naruto but he was kind of woozy from all the brain tampering and she couldn't ask Sasuke because he was being punished for his impudence. To her right Ino and Kiba were bickering and to her left Orochimaru was duct-taped, with the duct tape on his eyebrows creasing like he was frowning beneath it.

In short there was no one else to steal ideas from, which meant she might have to actually come up with her own story lines. This was inconceivable.

"You know, I meant what I said about the flowers," Ino hissed, twisting round on Kiba's lap to glare at him.

"Who's Julio?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

Their bitching was beginning to piss Nazihra off so she duct-taped them both too and sat in silence, chin resting on her knuckles, and considered her options, ignoring the glares from all of the characters she had so far silenced.

"Blerghle," Naruto said, swaying a little on his seat and blinking woozily at his surroundings.

"Brilliant idea!" she said because an idea had come to her suddenly and not because she thought "blerghle" was a good one. She even removed everyone's duct tape and ropes because that was how generous she was feeling at that moment.

"You know you really need to stop doing that to u-" Ino began.

Sasuke interrupted her. "If I could just a say a word," he hissed but then the room went swirly and it was too late anyway, sorry.

~*~Just a small town transition, living in a lonely world~*~

"Hey, asshole!"

Sasuke turned round to see Kiba striding towards him down a crowded corridor, a look of pure, incandescent rage on his face, and tried not to smile.

"What do you want, moron?" he snapped back once his aggressor had caught up with him, sneering at the other boy because he couldn't quite manage an angry glare, "Need some help tying your shoes or something?"

Kiba's jaw tensed and he jabbed a finger into Sasuke's chest. "What I need," he said, spitting each word out like it tasted unpleasant, "Is for you and me to have a talk about you, more specifically your behaviour, more specifically your behaviour around a specific someone."

If anyone in the corridor had bothered to take a passing interest in the angry scene they would have turned away then. It was common gossip knowledge that the "underprivileged" kid with the imaginary blonde girlfriend kept picking fights with the creepy gay guy for flirting with one of their mutual friends and, after a while, even a violent confrontation could get boring if it was always the same. Besides, most times they went somewhere else to do the actual fighting, so there was nothing much to see.

Some more hissed comments passed back and forth between the two and then they were storming away together, presumably to go rough each other up, and the people milling about in the hallway went about their business undisturbed.

"Where to this time?" Sasuke hissed, walking as fast as he could without looking suspicious to keep up with Kiba's long strides and trying to keep up the aggravated facade. To be honest, though, it wasn't all facade. He'd been looking forward to this ever since the last time and the walk to wherever they were going was taking too long. He needed this _now_.

"Locker room," Kiba replied out of the corner of his mouth, still managing to look beyond pissed as he did it. Sasuke couldn't help but let a small grin slip past his lips. Who would have known the stupid idiot was such an accomplished actor?

"What if someone walks in?" he asked, having to break into a small jog for a bit when Kiba started walking particularly fast. Sasuke tried to pretend it was because Kiba looked forward to this as much as he did but a more sensible part of him curtly informed him that it was just because Kiba didn't want to be seen in public with him more than necessary.

"We'll go to the back. That way, if someone does, we'll have enough time to pretend to be doing something else before they find us. The doors there creak, so we're bound to hear if anyone comes in."

To anyone else listening, though no one really was, this would have sounded like the usual precautions the pair took to avoid teachers noticing their odd habit of ritualistic fights.

Sasuke and Kiba walked the rest of the way to the locker room in supposedly-annoyed silence and, when they arrived at their destination at last, went to great lengths to assure no one was in there with them before they made their way to the back row near the wall. Then they stood before one another, both - though it could have been Sasuke's imagination - panting in anticipation.

Neither of them said anything. They never did until it began. That wasn't the done thing, that was part of the agreement.

Sasuke breathed in deep and then raised both his hands and put them on Kiba's shoulders, staring into the other boy's eyes. That was another thing in the unspoken agreement they had both never acknowledged or broken, he always made the first move, like the white team in chess.

Kiba made the second move, though, and it was always a bold one. Strong hands grabbed hold of Sasuke's hips and slammed him backwards into the lockers behind him, pressed their bodies together, made Sasuke stand on tip-toes so that they could be on the same level because he refused to be so easily overpowered by the larger boy.

Third move, his turn again. He tipped his chin up to grant Kiba access. Fourth move. Kiba bit down and he hurt but it hurt good, exploded downwards through Sasuke until it reached his groin and ugh-

Fifth move ripped off Kiba's shirt in a shower of buttons and maybe a tear of fabric somewhere as if Sasuke cared because now sixth move was lifting both his legs and wrapping them round Kiba's waist, pulling them closer together and rubbing in good places.

"You know, they're not going to keep believing we're running off to fight forever," he said to the ceiling and that was seventh move and it made Kiba growl in the back of his throat so that Sasuke shivered against him, tightened his grip on his lover's shoulders.

Eighth move and Kiba rocked against him, moved against him and it all dissolved. Checkmate. The pieces fell away and they were left biting and scratching and hissing at each other, pressed up against the cold metal of a locker and sliding down it towards the ground, Sasuke straddling hips that kept moving up into him and Kiba hissing curses as he came.

Sasuke followed him and it felt good. He bit down on his lip so hard it split to avoid calling out the name he didn't want to say and shuddered, a hand leaving Kiba's shoulder to cling onto one of the arms on either side of his head, boxing him in. A kiss wiped the blood from his mouth, painted Kiba's the same dark shade, and Sasuke told himself the action was a sign of affection and not courtesy, lust, pity. They stilled, leaning into one another, both intertwined in the other's embrace and breathed.

"I'm not gay," Kiba said, the words tumbling out in a rush, "I hate you. I'm not gay."

"I know."

Sasuke's legs were pushed away, pulled from around his waist and then Kiba got up, straightened his damaged, open shirt and, on an afterthought, extended his hand. Sasuke looked at it, took it, was tugged to his feet and then they were standing before each other once more, rebuilding the walls, picking up the pieces and setting them into place, ready for the next match.

Kiba wouldn't look at him, looked everywhere but him and that pissed Sasuke off.

"Even if we don't make eye contact, it's still gay," he told him and Kiba looked like he was about to punch him - and he had, the first time Sasuke had said that line, had given him a black eye and later, in the next game, pressed kisses to it and whispered apologies Sasuke hoped he'd meant - before he shook his head and stormed away. Left.

"We're not doing this again," he called behind him as he reached the creaky door, voice shaking with anger or fear or determination or something, anything, acknowledge what we just did please, "I don't do this. We're not doing this."

And Sasuke shouted back "You always say that" because he always did but Kiba had already gone.

~*~Sweet transition, Alabama~*~

Silence. There was a moment of silence. Astonished, horrified and – in Ino's particular case – flustered silence.

"Sasuke," Kiba said. He was standing with his fists clenched at his sides and his eyes squeezed shut, vibrating with what Nazihra assumed was admiration for her majestic effort at an ending scene. It had better be.

"Don't talk to me right now," Sasuke replied, "Not right now." He was crouched on the ground with his head buried in his hands, fingertips clawed in his own hair.

"I would just like to inform you that, if that was _your ending scene_, then I swear to God I will kill you and piss on your goddamn corpse before I fucking set it on fire."

"Trust me," Sasuke groaned, gagging a little, "It wasn't."

"Wow," Ino said to no one in particular, "That was… interesting."

"Interesting in the way that it was about me cheating on you with a man or interesting in the way that it made you want to kill yourself so that you won't have that memory in your head anymore?" Kiba asked from the floor. No one was sure when exactly he'd gone from standing up to curled on the floor in the foetal position but it had to have happened sometime.

"Don't give me ideas," Sasuke growled back, "I'm already considering it."

"Well," Orochimaru said because rubbing salt on fresh wounds is kind of his thing, "And here I thought my main competition was _Naruto_."

Kiba and Sasuke wailed in unison. Naruto dribbled and didn't seemed to have noticed the implications of the comment, so Nazihra thought it was best not to blank his mind again.

"Why? Why would you do that?" Sasuke asked, once he had finished trying to scorch various mental images from his head with the friction of his own despair.

Nazihra shrugged and held her hands up before her in a display of innocence. "Hey, some of my reviewers suggested it and, I have to admit, it was fun to write. Maybe in a different story or a oneshot spin-off…"

"No way!" Kiba screeched, "You stop that train of thought _right there_! I am not banging _him_."

"You bang who I tell you to bang, mister and, if that means I want you to have vague, angsty loving times with Sasuke in a deserted locker room while I make artsy metaphors about chess, then that is what you will do."

Nazihra ignored the ensuing rage explosion from Sasuke and Kiba in favour of more important thoughts, such as who to call on next. Every possibility in the room not mentally scrambled or pissy and annoying had already given their input, even the reviewers, so she was fast running out of ideas. Maybe it was time to call this session of mild character torture quits, she thought, or even do the insane and let Sasuke have a go.

Luckily, she was saved from having to make this difficult decision by the arrival of Hidan, who waltzed through the mind room door that had just popped into existence in the corner of said mind room.

"Don't mind me, yeah? Just coming through," he said, flipping the collective occupants of the room off as he strode past.

"Wh-what the hell?" Ino shrieked, "Why are you naked?"

"Who's this? Is _this_ Julio?"

"You do _realise_ you're covered in blood, don't you?"

"What on _earth _would make you think I'd ever even want to _touch_ Kiba?"

"Gblurgh?"

"Everybody quiet!" Nazihra said, slamming a hand down on the table she had poofed into existence, purely so that she would have something to slam her down on, "And you!"

Hidan turned to face her because even bitchy immortals do not deny the will of the author. "Yeah?"

"Help me devise an ending for this story."

Hidan snorted a very disrespectful "fuck no" in response to this reasonable request and so Nazihra was forced to persuade him using author ropes and a hockey bat. It didn't work that well because Hidan enjoyed the pain but he had some things to do – like look for his clothes – so he decided to help after a while just so this crazy bitch would let him get out of here.

"I'm not crazy," Nazihra said, sniffing.

There was the awkward silence that comes from a roomful of people wanting to say something and, at the same time, fearing the consequences.

"Assholes."

"Okay, okay, let me go already. I'll help you add some Jashin-like awesome to your shitty story, alright?"

And then the room went swirly, except this time the swirlyness was accompanied by a soundtrack of thrash metal because, you know, Hidan.

~*~Might as well face it, you're addicted to transition~*~

"Hey, fuckwads."

Everyone in class stared up in shock, awe and lust at the new Religious Studies teacher, Hidan. He was wearing monk's robes, hanging open at the front to reveal a bare chest and some kind of rosary. Also, he had a massive scythe on his back and he was flipping all of them off.

"I'm your new teacher. Obey my every command or, I swear to Jashin, I will cut up every last one of your fucking, snot-nosed, little faces and make you watch out of the scarred remains of your eyes as I force your parents to eat them."

Most of the pupils nodded, stunned and afraid, but a couple started screaming and crying. Hidan killed them with his scythe as an example to the other children.

"How old are you shitheads anyway?"

There was no reply.

"When Teacher asks a question, you fucking answer him!" Hidan killed the nearest child to emphasise the point and then waited impatiently.

"S-sir," one of the kids began.

"Put up your hand in class before speaking," Hidan yelled in the little boy's face, causing him to leak bodily fluids out of all of his orifices plus a new one his body had invented out of sheer terror. He didn't kill him, however, because he didn't want to be seen as too strict.

The boy put his hand up and then continued speaking. "We're eleven, sir, except Henry. He's twelve."

"Where's Henry?" Hidan asked.

The boy put his hand up again. "You killed him, sir."

"Shitfuck. You bastards are far too young to be worth my time." With that, Hidan stomped his way over to the door and wrenched it open, accidentally hitting the body of one of his victims as he did so. "Your homework," he called over his shoulder as he walked out the door, "Is to look up Jashinism and write a five – no ten! – ten page essay on why it is the best religion ever. That is all. Class dismissed."

Then, with a bang, he was gone. Those students left alive stared at each other, at the door and then at the clock.

"Did he just dismiss class three minutes into the lesson?" one of them asked.

The realisation dawned on all of them at the same time.

"Best teacher ever!"

Out in the hallway, Hidan came upon Naruto, Orochimaru, Kiba and that other one bickering in the hallway. They had some serious problems to work and Hidan listened attentively as they each described them to him, nodding sagely every once in a while.

Then he killed all of them, set the school on fire and stood outside, watching it burn, satisfied in the knowledge of a job well done.

Kakuzu walked over him with a bag of money from his latest transaction and sighed.

"I'm never leaving on your own ever again."

~*~And I-I-I-I will always transition you-oo-oo-ou~*~

"Well, that was a shedload of awful," Nazihra said, "This is supposed to be a funny hook-up fic, Hidan. That means no maiming."

"Hey, fuck you, I didn't ask to waste my time on this shit."

Nazihra scowled and poofed Hidan out of existence before he could get on her nerves even more.

"If you could just get rid of us all along," Sasuke asked, looking up from the card game the other characters had started during Hidan's turn, "Why didn't you do that instead of duct-taping me."

"Because then I wouldn't get to watch you suffer."

And then Nazihra joined in their card game and totally pwned them at it because she could control the nature of reality here. She later even fixed Naruto's brain so that he'd stop chewing on the cards and, at the request of all of the group, wiped their collective memory before sending them on their way so that they would not be haunted by the recollection of this horrific event.

All in all, everything worked out perfectly and she sat back in her mind cave room thing to get to work on the next chapter.

* * *

If you want to review, that would be awesome but I'm not going to blame if you don't because... er... please don't judge me? : D


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